"I want to be my own design" Clive Barker - Imajica

Saturday, November 29, 2014

Thanks for being a friend

Some of you may remember a little over 2 years ago when my car got repossessed. It SUCKED to put it mildly. It was one of the scariest moments in my life. I wasn't sure what to do, how or if I could get my car back, but thanks to a little help from my friends (and a few strangers) I was able to raise the money I needed to get it back.

So here we are, a little over 2 years later and my car is going to be completely paid off before Christmas time. I've worked so hard towards this goal, I can't quite believe how close I am. I will be so glad to be done with Wells Fargo Dealer Services and their bullshit. This I can promise you, I will never willingly do business with Wells Fargo as long as I live.

So yeah, thanks be to all of you who gave me a hand and helped me when I needed it the most. Thanks to those of you who gave me your support when you knew I was struggling.

Thanks for being a friend!

Monday, November 10, 2014

"In Flanders Fields" by John McCrae

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
      Between the crosses, row on row,
   That mark our place; and in the sky
   The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
   Loved and were loved, and now we lie
         In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
   The torch; be yours to hold it high.
   If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
         In Flanders fields.

Thursday, October 9, 2014

talking about racism today....

I normally will not talk about race, politics, and religion at work. Today though, I had a brief conversation with someone about racism and the actual definition of the word vs the emotions the word evokes. I realize that not everyone can separate themselves from the emotion that this word evokes. I understand that not everyone understands the discrimination that different people face. 

I think what bothered me most about the conversation was how dismissive they were about discrimination of the people they felt had no right to feel bad about being discriminated against. Being discriminated against based on race is wrong. End story. Period. Regardless of what race you are or what race you are perceived to be. 

I used the example of misandry being just as wrong as misogyny to which this same person again, and they made the same sort of dismissive comments about how it was essentially okay to hate men but it's totally wrong to hate women because women have been more downtrodden. Again, hating someone for their gender is wrong. End story. Period.

I have never, and will never understand hating an entire group of people based on one thing like race, gender, or gender. I don't get it. Just stop it. 

  1. the belief that all members of each race possess characteristics or abilities specific to that race, especially so as to distinguish it as inferior or superior to another race or races.
    • prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against someone of a different race based on the belief that one's own race is superior.

Saturday, October 4, 2014

Just going to leave this here...

I'll be in my bunk



W.H. Auden - one of my favorite poets ever

As I Walked Out One Evening

W. H. Auden1907 - 1973
As I walked out one evening,
   Walking down Bristol Street,
The crowds upon the pavement
   Were fields of harvest wheat.

And down by the brimming river
   I heard a lover sing
Under an arch of the railway:
   ‘Love has no ending.

‘I’ll love you, dear, I’ll love you
   Till China and Africa meet,
And the river jumps over the mountain
   And the salmon sing in the street,

‘I’ll love you till the ocean
   Is folded and hung up to dry
And the seven stars go squawking
   Like geese about the sky.

‘The years shall run like rabbits,
   For in my arms I hold
The Flower of the Ages,
   And the first love of the world.'

But all the clocks in the city
   Began to whirr and chime:
‘O let not Time deceive you,
   You cannot conquer Time.

‘In the burrows of the Nightmare
   Where Justice naked is,
Time watches from the shadow
   And coughs when you would kiss.

‘In headaches and in worry
   Vaguely life leaks away,
And Time will have his fancy
   To-morrow or to-day.

‘Into many a green valley
   Drifts the appalling snow;
Time breaks the threaded dances
   And the diver’s brilliant bow.

‘O plunge your hands in water,
   Plunge them in up to the wrist;
Stare, stare in the basin
   And wonder what you’ve missed.

‘The glacier knocks in the cupboard,
   The desert sighs in the bed,
And the crack in the tea-cup opens
   A lane to the land of the dead.

‘Where the beggars raffle the banknotes
   And the Giant is enchanting to Jack,
And the Lily-white Boy is a Roarer,
   And Jill goes down on her back.

‘O look, look in the mirror,
   O look in your distress:
Life remains a blessing
   Although you cannot bless.

‘O stand, stand at the window
   As the tears scald and start;
You shall love your crooked neighbour
   With your crooked heart.'

It was late, late in the evening,
   The lovers they were gone;
The clocks had ceased their chiming,
   And the deep river ran on. 

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

The Tempest

Our revels now are ended. These our actors,
As I foretold you, were all spirits, and
Are melted into air, into thin air:
And like the baseless fabric of this vision,
The cloud-capp'd tow'rs, the gorgeous palaces,
The solemn temples, the great globe itself,
Yea, all which it inherit, shall dissolve,
And, like this insubstantial pageant faded,
Leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff
As dreams are made on; and our little life
Is rounded with a sleep.
The Tempest Act 4, scene 1, 148–158

One of my favorite versions - Helen Mirren, Dijmon Hounsou, Ben Whishlaw, and Alan Cumming, how can you go wrong?

In defense of telling your daughter she's beautiful

I've seen so many articles and blogs saying "don't tell my daughter she is beautiful" and it's bugging the shit out of me. I guess there are even some "experts" that say you shouldn't tell your daughter she is beautiful. Something about how the focus is then on looks instead of brains.

But here's the thing.

I think you SHOULD tell your daughter she is beautiful. I think that if you see someone that you think is beautiful, you should tell them that. A sincere compliment is always nice to hear.

Because growing up and never being told you're pretty doesn't make it so you never think about your looks, in fact, I think it makes you even more sensitive about your appearance. I think it can make you crave that external gratification of others telling you look beautiful, because maybe you wonder why your parents never said you were beautiful.

I don't think it should be all about looks or all about smarts. It should be both. Women can and are both beautiful and smart. I don't think that you have to sacrifice one for the other.

I know a lot of people think that we should not focus so much on appearance and while I agree with that in principle, the reality of it is, people do focus on appearances. People want to feel attractive, want to feel wanted.

I feel like there can and should be a balance in what people teach and tell their kids. It doesn't have to be all about looks at the expense of brains, or all about the brains about the expense of being "pretty"

I don't know, I am really struggling with how explain my thoughts on this. Again, I think "man I'm glad I will never have a kid so I don't really have to deal with this" but I am really curious, what do you guys have to say on this topic? How does it apply to men?

Saturday, August 23, 2014

pretty dresses, pretty makeup, beautiful ladies

Sometimes both in one picture! Lots of photos, mostly from Getty photos of various celebs at various events. Instead of posting a million sepaerate photos on FB, I'd rather blog them because. Just because.
so, so pretty! The colors of the dress and her makeup are just glorious

I don't know who she is but damn she has some GORGEOUS skin and that smile! Also that dress is really cool, I want one now.

That Orphan Black girl is just cute as a button.

that color is stunning with that skin tone and hair color. Love the bold lip with this too.


"She always looks like she is on the verge of flaying you open with her eyeballs and devouring your entrails, which is a quality I admire in a woman." 
Think that might be the best description of Eva Green ever. I think the quote from Jezebel.com but I'm not 100% sure. 

I think ethereal is the word I am looking for. And I love the edgy haircut with the hyper feminine dress.

princess dress! 

I usually am not a huge fan of asymmetrical dresses but this one is really pretty. 

Lavender is definitely her color 

Cavalli, of course. It's all in the details with his designs. 

love the pattern on the skirt, not a huge fan of the top though 

Love this look! Which if you know me at all you would say "Duh of course you do" I also really like Laura Prepon as a brunette.

there is a kind of Dynasty feel to the dress to me but I love it. It's simply stunning

Saturday, August 16, 2014

The not so ladylike, lady in red

There once was a red dress that I lusted after for almost a year. As much as I loved it, I hesitated to buy it. I'd never in my life owned a red dress. 
Then, in an awesome show of awesomeness my work gave me this dress for Christmas. I think it was the girliest I've ever been, I practically jumped up and down and went around showing everyone what was in the box (it was not Gwyneth Paltrow's head or a theoretical cat).

This, this is the dress. 
Monica by my perennial favorite Pinup Girl Clothing. 
hot right? Yeah the dress isn't bad either!
This dress is a DREAM. It's made of a stretch jersey fabric which normally doesn't lend itself well to girls with curves where we don't necessarily want them but one of the magical things about this dress is that it's lined in bengaline from the bust to mid-thigh, which essentially functions as a slip and built in shapewear. 

 Turns out this particular shade of  red  is the perfect shade of red for my skin tone. It's incredibly flattering and I always get a ton of compliments when I wear it. 

It's comfy, stretchy and you don't even really need to wear shapewear underneath if you don't want to. But it's me so of course I do. In the below photos I'm wearing an Orchard Corset CS-426 longline, underbust corset which works wonderfully under dresses and is a very affordable corset, especially for corset newbies. 

As you can see, the corset helps kick the dress up a notch and makes the dress fit spectacularly. I don't think I'll ever wear this dress without a corset on underneath ever again. I am wearing the dress in a 2XL although I think I could probably fit into an Xl due to the generous, stretchy fabric.

As usual I am impressed with the high quality fabrics and the attention to detail that make PUG dresses worth every single penny. These dresses are made to last! 

I cannot tell you enough how much I love this dress. Seriously. Like, I never want to take it off. 

One thing to note - I accidentally threw it in the wash and about had a heart attack due to the dry clean only label, but I discovered that if you machine wash it and line dry the dress, it holds up just fine *whew* However I'd still recommend getting it dry cleaned just to be safe. 

Now that I have one, I want more. This dress comes in so many beautiful colorways! That's another thing to love about PUG is that they not only offer beautifully made clothes, they come in several colors and most of them come in sizes up to a 4XL which is awesome. 

All photos are from the PUG site, they certainly know how to showcase their products and damn those models are GORGEOUS. 


Wednesday, July 30, 2014

The Litany Against Fear

"I must not fear.Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain"
Frank Herbert 

I know everyone knows this, or at least the David Lynch version of the Litany but read it. 
Really read it. 
Now read it again. 
Because it's true.

Sometimes fiction is truth, and sometimes truth is stranger than fiction. 

Friday, July 25, 2014

Ma'am put down the computer and back away from the internet

You know how some parents (allegedly) will limit their childrens TV time? Yeah, well I am going to start limiting my internet time. as a matter of fact, I only have 15 minutes left of my allotted hour for the day.

The constant barrage of negativity, the incessant commentary on other people's lives and how they (or you) are doing it wrong, oh and the unsolicited advice, all of these things have been driving me crazy lately. Well to be honest it's been driving me crazy for a long time but I finally realized what was going on and how to fix it, this past weekend when I spent very little time on the internet. Because as glorious as the internet is, it can also be a really shitty place.

I know a lot of people like to place the blame on social networking, especially Facebook, but unfortunately it's not just social network sites that have this shitty attitude. You see it EVERYWHERE online. In forums, in comments on YouTube, on articles written on various sites, everywhere. I think Facebook is an easy target because it makes the whining, the vitriol, the bullshit, in an easy to read format. I also think that people (myself included) feel like its a great place to share things with your friends and people you find interesting but sometimes you get diarrhea  of the mobile posts and start recording every single step, breath, meal, and problem you deal with.

I'm also putting away/turning off the cell phone more often.

We live in a world of constant contact, you can know what everyone is doing every second, of every day. If you want to get a hold of them you can call or text them and instantly get a response no matter where they are. You remember the days when you had to wait for someone to get off work before you could get in touch with them? Or you had to leave them a message and they would call you back when they got home?

In our world of constant contact it leaves no room for being alone, for being quiet, for learning how to entertain yourself, for learning how to be happy being alone because you never, ever have to be alone. You no longer have to learn manners, you no longer have to learn how to interact with strangers face to face, you no longer have to learn how to be a good friend or even a mediocre friend as long as you remember to hit that like button every once in a while. There are so many things to do and see and read, I just don't want all the distractions anymore.

So yeah, I'm not going to say "I'm taking a break from Facebook" or any of that shit, cause I'm not. I am still going to use the internet as god intended, for cat photos and porn but from now on, I am going to spend less time in the virtual world and more time in the meatspace.

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Review - my current favorite moisturizer

First a bit about my skin. It's very dry but with an oily nose, incredibly sensitive, and wildly uneven in tone and texture. I have very red skin too which surprises some people, because I almost never go into public barefaced. 

When I discovered Sephora many years back, it was like the angels came down from heaven to show me the light. One of my favorite things ever about this chain of stores is that in addition to having a huge selection of items, they are always happy to give you samples which allows you to try the products before you buy. And the samples aren't your normal, barely enough to even have one full use but they usually last 4-6 applications depending on the product. This is extremely beneficial for someone like myself, whose skin likes to break out when trying almost anything new, and for people on a budget as they only sell what is considered "Department Store" or "Luxury" brands vs "Drugstore" brands like Neutrogena and Cetaphil. 

Most of my life it's been problematic at best to find moisturizer that actually moisturizes, isn't greasy but is still emollient, that doesn't turn me into the Human Pimple, and that makes my skin look and feel good. I've basically been searching for 20+ years. Add to that the fact that my skin is also aging and that adds another dynamic to finding the right skin cream. I was getting tired of going to Walgreens and randomly selecting products for sensitive skin, for dry skin, for periodic acne breakouts, for daytime, for nighttime. 

Finally I broke down and decided to go spend some real money on myself and try to get a better quality, better tested, and lets be honest here, better marketed and packaged product. Like I said, Sephora gives samples so I talked to one of the friendly gals who worked there, described my skin and it's annoyances and she gave me 4 different samples of face creams to try. 
one of them instantly made me break out, 
one of them made my skin feel taut and too dry
one of them was too greasy
and the last one was JUST RIGHT. 

And of course it's not cheap. BUT it's seriously the best  moisturizer that I have ever used in my life. I can use it daytime and nighttime, it wears well under makeup, it makes my skin feel perfectly moist and other than my monthly hormone related breakout, I haven't broken out at all. I love, love, love this stuff. To me it's worth every single penny. A jar will generally last me 3-4 months even using it twice a day, as you only really need a small amount to thoroughly cover your face and neck. 

As long as they continue to make this cream, I will buy it. I am in love. 

One thing to note - Amazon.com charges a full $20.00 more than Sephora for this exact same item so if you end up ordering online, don't order it from them. 

Thursday, June 26, 2014

Garter Belt! Stockings! My reviews/recommended products for girls with fat thighs like moi

Recently a friend was asking me about the garter belt and stockings I wear. Due to the fact that I have pretty large upper thighs, stockings can be problematic at best but I have always loved the look so I shopped around and tried a couple of different products and now I have the best possible look and fit for my body shape. 
One of the the primary things I look for when buying a garter belt is that it has 6 straps and metal tabs for the garters. There are a couple of reasons for this but the primary one is that 3 straps on each leg will help your stockings stay up securely through the day and feel more comfortable and the metal tabs will help properly secure the top of the stocking and hold them firmly throughout the day. When I buy garters, it's for wearing not for just for sexy time so that rules out the cheap shit you can buy at Target or the hanky-spanky stores. Due to my size that rules out some of the more expensive places that sell high quality garters but only if you go up to a size 12. (fuck that noise I say) 

I got lucky and found these garters on the Orchard Corset site and I LOVE them. High quality, durable, and  a good selection of  sizes and they are comfortable for wearing all day. This is usually what I wear under my corsets when I go to club actually. 

One of the other highlights for me is the price point. At $16.00 they are way cheaper than a lot of the ones I would find in a regular brick and mortar store and they work great for me. I have gone through several of these because I wear them regularly but they hold up wonderfully and I even machine wash them! 

One side note - on the Orchard Corset site the model is wearing hers way lower than I do, I actually wear mine up high on my waist, due to the material they are made of this garter actually functions as a lightweight girdle which in my mind adds even more value to it. 

And with a garter you must have stockings - Berkshire Queen size stockings 
These Berkshire stockings are my everyday stockings. One of the most important things for me is that I need the NON-STAY UP stockings. Any thigh high that has that silicone lining that is allegedly to help them stay up without a garter tend to give me muffin top thighs and I personally don't like that look. 

The trick is to get stockings like these, that have the smooth, elastic free top that require a garter. This helps smooth out bumpy upper thighs and is infinitely more comfortable. I get these particular stockings in Q2 due to the size of my upper thighs but the Q1 actually fit alright too.

The thing I love most about these stockings is that they are actually made for bigger girls! The most annoying thing about some stocking companies is that the queen sized stockings are just really fucking long instead of being bigger for bigger thighs. 

These particular stockings don't have any sheen to them at all, they are totally matte and one thing you will notice is that they don't have lycra in them like the pantyhose you are used to. This means they can take some getting used to, you may feel like they are falling down or sagging but in reality they aren't. I usually just throw them in a lingerie bag and toss them in the washer and then line dry them and they last me several wearings. 

PS I've seen on other reviews people specifying that they aren't paid or compensated for their reviews so I figured I would add that note too. I don't get paid to use or review these items but that sure would be cool if I did... 

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Rago 1294 Open Bottom Girdle

For my first review I am going to talk about my first "real" girdle and still one of my favorites. My Rago 1294 girdle. Simply put, you cannot go wrong with Rago. They have been making shapewear for 65 years and their products are wonderful. They aren't cheap but they're worth every single penny.

The 1294 pictured below, runs around $60 and you can find it for purchase on the Orchard Corset site or on the Secrets in Lace site in a large variety of sizes. You can find it on a lot of other sites too, but those two sites feature some of the best customer service you can get.

 This girdle has extra firm support and features 6 metal tabbed garters. If you plan on wearing the girdle for real (as in daily wear at work or on a long night out on the town) then 6 straps will help your stockings stay up securely and comfortably.

The girdle zips on the side and has hook and eye closures, also on the side which help ensure a smooth finish and a nice clean line especially when you wear wiggle or sheath dresses. One thing to note is that this come up right to the bottom of my bra and I usually will pull the back of my bra down over the top of the girdle.

I only really have one semi-negative thing to say about this girdle and it's that there is some boning on the sides that occasionally pokes into my ribs a bit more than I'd like but I think that has more to do with the way I'm built than the girdle itself.

An added bonus to this girdle is you can actually go to the bathroom without having to completely disrobe. I really love this girdle a lot and I highly recommend it.
another added bonus, it's sexy as hell
On the PJ Scale of Awesome, I'd give it an 8 out of 10.

in which PJ reviews stuff

I get asked a lot about the girdles I use, the stockings I buy, the shapewear I wear on a daily basis. Thing is, I'm not a small girl and it may surprise you to find out that it is actually *really* hard to find shapewear and girdles in my size. Since I get asked these questions fairly often and these are items that I use on a daily basis I figured I'd start sharing my thoughts and reviews of these products. So yeah...

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

rant and also a brief thanks to you parents out there

I saw an article today titled "Tips for raising well-rounded girls in a princess dominated world" and I will admit to feeling annoyed even before reading the article. I suppose I didn't even need to read it since I have no spawn and never intend on spawning but my curiosity was piqued so I gave it a shot. 

So yeah...

While not as bad as some of the other articles I've read it still annoys me for several reasons. I just don't understand the princess hatred. I'm just sayin, you can raise a smart, self sufficient, independent girl who also happens to like the color pink and being a princess. I'm a perfect fucking example of that.  

The one part that really got under my skin? "
  • Attitude is all: Express a lot of enthusiasm about the choices for your daughter that excite you." and I think the reason it bugs me is because it's making it about the parent and not the child. Like trying to get your kid to like what you want them to like, to brainwash them. Maybe I am reading too much into it but unfortuantely I've seen those parents. The dance moms, the pageant moms, the moms who live vicariously through their children and it makes me fucking sad to see it. 

 But then all of a sudden I remembered what the internet is for. Its for telling people they are living their lives wrong, making the wrong choices, having the wrong sex, watching the wrong shows, believing the wrong things, raising their kids wrong, having the wrong kind of relationships and everything else that they do wrong. Oh and for giving people common sense advice "want to quit tripping on your shoelaces? Have you tried tying them, it will change your life!" and telling them what they should be doing instead of what they are actually doing. 

You know what people? Raise your fucking kids the way you think is best, the same as our parents raised us and their parents raised them. People make mistakes (even parents) and it's not a matter of what mistakes you've made but how you approach them and fix them. Let your kid be themselves, teach them manners, teach them respect but if they want to be a fucking princess, let them be a princess. 

PS I'm glad I don't have kids. Seriously, you parents don't have an easy time of things and I appreciate what you do. 

Monday, May 5, 2014

Favorite Quotes, Part 3

"We mortals, men and women, devour many a disappointment between breakfast and dinner-time; keep back the tears and look a little pale about the lips, and in answer to inquiries say, "Oh, nothing!" Pride helps; and pride is not a bad thing when it only urges us to hide our hurts— not to hurt others." 
— George Eliot (Middlemarch)

Favorite quotes, part 2

"How passionately she longed to be important to somebody again - not important on platforms, not important as an asset in an organisation, but privately important, just to one other person, quite privately, nobody else to know or notice. It didn't seem much to ask in a world so crowded with people, just to have one of them, only one out of all the millions to oneself. Somebody who needed one, who thought of one, who was eager to come to one - oh, oh how dreadfully one wanted to be precious."

Elizabeth Von Armin - The Enchanted April

Glorious ride

The most glorious moments in your life are not the so-called days of success, but rather those days when out of dejection and despair you feel rise in you a challenge to life, and the promise of future accomplishments.

I don't feel dejected or despairing, not one little bit. Maybe a little bit anxious and excited and stressed and, and, and... all I can say is my life has become a hell of a ride and even when it's scary or stressful, it's pretty goddamned glorious.

Saturday, May 3, 2014

You Can't Have it Both Ways.

Free speech for everyone!

Well... unless you say something I don't agree with 

Accept me for who I am! 

But I won't accept you for who you are. 

Equal rights for everyone! 

Well except for that person over there. 

Let me live my life how I want to without your judgment! 

But I don't like the way you live your life so I think you should change because I said so. 

You should be respectful of my time and my needs

But I don't really care about you or your needs

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Favorite quotes, part 1

 "As yet I loved no one, yet I loved to love, and out of a deep seated need, I hated myself for not being needy. I pursued whoever-whatever might be lovable, in love with love. Safety I hated and any course without danger, for within me was a famine"
St. Augustine 

Sunday, February 23, 2014

I went and saw the National Theatre production of "Coriolanus" starring the obscenely hot Tom Hiddleston. Seriously. Like the hottest ever. The eyes, the cheekbones, the smile... well you know. And on top of all his glorious good looks, he's a hell of a talented actor and seems like genuinely nice guy. Did I mention how hot he is? BRB
Ima gonna leave this here...

The production of "Coriolanus" was just as good as I expected it to be given that it was a National Theatre Live production. The spare sets and the small cast of actors really cast the focus on story, on the actors and their performances and it should come as no surprise that the cast was PHENOMENAL.

The one who had some of the wittiest lines? Mr. Mark Gatiss aka Mycroft Holmes aka  "I write for Sherlock and Doctor Who and oh yeah, I was part of The League of Gentlemen" Yeah that guy. One of my favorite bits

"Menenius: I am known to be a humorous patrician, and one that loves a cup of hot wine with not a drop of allaying water in it. One that converses more with the buttock of the night than with the forehead of the morning. What I think I utter, and spend my malice in my breath."

One of the annoying bits? The audience was JAM PACKED with women who were there just to see Mr. Sexy Pants, or in this case Mr. Sexy Sometimes with NO Pants. A part of me can understand that, because yum but if you aren't into Shakespeare it can be a bumpy ride sometimes. Coriolanus is by no means his most complex play to follow, it's a simple story without any subplots and to be honest it's not my favorite play ever but with the right cast, it's definitely entertaining to watch. Some of these women during the intermission were complaining that they couldn't understand what was going on and that the language coupled with the accents made it impossible for them to know what was going on. Um ladies? spoiler alert, play has been out for oh, 400 years and you can read the quick and easy synopsis on Ye Olde Interwebs so that it is easier to follow. Shit, I do that for operas that I'm not familiar with or even movies that come from a rich background that I know nothing about. It doesn't hurt to do a bit of research once in awhile. (and yes, I will admit that I * might* be a bit snobby, just a bit)

The other annoying thing? There is a scene where Coriolanus and his enemy/now friend Aufidius kiss to seal the deal they just made. No shit, about half the theatre made disgusted noises. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? They kissed to seal a deal, this is what was done historically and has no homoerotic overtones at all. Besides that? What is wrong with two super hot guys kissing? No really, what is wrong with that? It's okay for people to see two girls kissing or a hetero couple kissing but as soon as two guys kiss, THAT'S what you have a problem with? There wasn't even tongue (well there was in my mind because yeah....) but people actually groaned. Shut the fuck up and get over it.

*end rant*

Whew, okay back on track.

SO the crux of this blabbering is, National Theatre Live productions are fantastic, I got to see Danny Boyle's Frankenstein with Johnny Lee Miller and Benedict Cumberbatch and now Coriolanus with my bf Tom Hiddleston. Next one in my queue? "King Lear"

"I have seen better faces in my time,
Than stands on any shoulder that I see
Before me at this instant."
Kent, Scene II

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

time to decide

The way I see it, I have two options in front of me right now.

1. Make peace with my weight, realize that if I don't change anything I will stay about this weight and it will directly affect the clothes in my closet as well as the clothes I want to buy. Realize that even though I'm healthy at this weight, that if I gain more weight it could affect my health and I could of course always end up back where I was. Because it would be so very easy to just let shit slide. To just eat fast food, eat too much food, sit on my ass and watch TV, go to bed early, get up late, feel tired, have my knees hurt... I could very easily go back to looking like this


2. I could make an effort. I could stop making excuses like "I'm too tired" or "I don't feel well so I will just do better tomorrow" I've already been improving my diet, eating at home more, cooking instead of eating out, I can make better choices when I do go out to eat, I can man up and start walking again. I can find my motivation again. I can focus. I can look like this again

One is the decidedly easier route. The other one will take some effort.

Guess which one I've picked?

Time to put my money where my mouth is and make this shit happen.


As of today I weigh 225 lbs. Done with that. As a measure of accountability and for tracking purposes I am going to post updates, here publicly. Follow along, or don't, either way I'm going to do it. Because I got shit to do and miles to go before I sleep.

Going for a walk, BRB.

Sunday, February 9, 2014

I do not think that word means what you think it means - Part 2

This word gets thrown around so much that it's almost lost all meaning. It really aggravates me when people say "That was the worst day of my life" or "That was the worst thing that has ever happened to me" 

Really? The worst huh? I do not think that word means what you think it means. Bad day, ok I will give you that. Shitty day even, but worst day? Think about it right now, what is the actual worst day of your life so far? Was it they day your flight got delayed? The day you were late to work or dealt with random creeper at the club? If that was your worst day, then you've been pretty lucky so far... 


  [wurst]  Show IPA
adjective superl. of bad and ill.
bad or ill in the highest, greatest, or most extreme degree: the worst person.
most faulty, unsatisfactory, or objectionable: the worst paper submitted.
most unfavorable or injurious.
in the poorest condition: the worst house on the block.
most unpleasant, unattractive, or disagreeable: the worst personality I've ever known.

I'm just going to leave this here...

I have a plan, and it's as hot as my tights!

I've already formulated a plan for 2015. 

Well at least I have one plan. 

Okay maybe two plans. 

1. Go to DragonCon. This is an annual plan but I always add it to my list because it helps me with budgeting and planning for my PTO and whatnot. 

2. Go to Europe. Not sure where yet since I basically want to go everywhere over there. I mean, it is where the history comes from after all.  This is something Mr. S and I have talked about several times and for a long time it seemed out of reach for me. Between paying for the passport, the cost of flights, hotel, etc. I have long assumed I couldn't afford it. Well about that... I will have my car paid off before the end of this year. I've been working really hard with budgeting and paying bills and getting caught up and I realized that if I start saving now not only should I be able to go to DragonCon this year and next year I should be able to save enough to go overseas. I want to. A lot. And we all know, I always get what I want. 

So here it is, in writing to remind me. 

Next year it's ON. 

Thursday, February 6, 2014

Celebrity Encounters

A funny thing happens at DragonCon....

A lot of the guests wander around the con and just hang out, at the bars, on the smoking patios, sometimes in costume as one of their favorite characters.Until I went to DragonCon I'd never really been in a social situation where I could potentially meet a performer that I admire (and/or have the hots for) and actually have a real conversation with them without having to pay them for their time.

*I've walked past Brent Spiner while leaving my hotel room, I looked over, waved and said "Hey how's it going?" cool as can be, to which he smiled and said "Hi, great how about you?" some other simple small talk was made and only when I was safely ensconced on the elevator did I go fan girl with my friend saying "OMG THAT WAS BRENT SPINER!"

*I was outside one of the hotels smoking a cigarette when I spotted Doc Hammer (who is really unfairly good looking) and I turned to my friend and said "oh Doc Hammer! I'd love to meet him but I dunno..." to which my friend replied with the best answer ever "PJ, it's YOU. Since when have you had a hard time talking to strangers" *laugh* I proceeded to approach him and ended up talking to him for about 20 minutes. Turned out he was staying in the same hotel and on the same floor as we were and every time I ran into him for the rest of the convention he always said hi and chatted with me. He is also the ONLY one I've ever gotten a picture with and of course I'm all fan girl in the photo although I swear I wasn't that fawning when we were talking. At least I like to think I wasn't...

yup, total fan girl. Also it's nice to be in a photo with someone who makes me look so tan by comparison!
And this past years encounter has been my favorite so far and anyone who actually reads this blog has probably already heard it more than once but whatever this is my blog and I do what I want.

*Picture it, Atlanta 5 AM outside the Hilton Hotel. EVERYONE has been, or is, currently drinking. I'm smoking a cigarette when I spot a girl I had met a day earlier. Not even thinking about it I stroll over and introduce myself to the two guys she was with, Chris and Dominic. Christopher Judge from SG-1 and Dominic Keating from Enterprise. I stood around chatting with them for a good hour. Hilarity was had. Dominic "tested a theory" and stuck his wine glass between my boobs to see if would stay unassisted. It did. I made him stuttery and blushy when I half jokingly asked him what floor he was on. Those Brits are so adorable. And my favorite moment? When they were all leaving to go into the hotel I ran up behind giant Christopher Judge, smacked him on the ass and said "go get you some!" he turned, raised an eyebrow at me and laughed.

Good times, good times.

The moral of the story I guess is that sometimes it really can pay off to not be scared to talk to strangers and even I can be surprised by my ability to keep my cool around people that I want to fawn over.

PS- I did pay to get my photo with Jason Momoa, cause Jason Momoa. While I didn't totally fan girl out when I shook his hand, he looked me in the eyes and said "You're very pretty" I kicked my feet like a little kid and said "You're very pretty too" hahahah

Several friends commented on my look of self restraint in the photo. I admit I was sorely tempted to grab his fine ass. But I didn't. Alas

Friday, January 31, 2014

Assumption is the mother of all fuck ups

Seriously, it is. I've been working on some projects both personally and professionally lately and I have found that I have made some assumptions about other people. Their knowledge levels, their skill levels, even their common sense and ability to think critically.

Thing is, it's not their fault if I make assumptions about stuff. It's not their fault if they don't know what I talking about, what I want to do, where I want to go unless I communicate it to them clearly and concisely. I can't get mad at them for not understanding something if I haven't taken the time to explain it to them.

So many people make so many assumptions and then get all hurt when things don't play out the way they want it to. Communicate better. Say what you mean, mean what you say and never assume that someone knows what you want or how to do something. k

ism's - XXIV

martyrdom is not becoming 

*fixed previous spelling error*

Thursday, January 23, 2014

The Secret

No not some lame book
It's the secret to me getting up early.
Apparently my body doesn't need as much sleep as I want it to because every time I stay up until 1 I get up at 6:30 with zero issues but if I got to bed earlier than that I tend to oversleep.
So then that happened.
But hey, that means more time to do more stuffs!

Thursday, January 2, 2014

Events and Expectations

what is with all the expectations we set for events? Things like birthdays, New Years, Christmas, prom, parties. People try to force events to be great or put so many expecations on an event that they are always going to be let down.

"This will be the best night of my life" 
"These New Years resolutions will change my life"

so I paused while writing this because I accidentally shot myself in the foot with my own Zen arrow.

I was about to start ranting about people hanging all of these unfair expectations on New Years and how they will get all upset if the night doesn't turn out the way they wanted it to.


So about that.

This past year my birthday wasn't what I wanted it to be. I had a list of a couple of things I really, really wanted for my birthday. I wanted to not have to drive anywhere, I wanted a nice dinner, I basically wanted to be pampered and treated like I was important. Instead I put about 80 miles on my car that day, I didn't even get to eat dinner and I had to hustle to get a designated driver to take me to the club and I was GRUMPY about it. I kept it to myself and it festered. This feeling of being unappreciated, undervalued and feeling like I don't matter.

And now I am calling bullshit on myself. Because bullshit.

I realized that I was doing exactly what I was about to vent about. Go figure what irritates me about other people is what actually irritates me most about myself even when I don't always realize I am doing it.

So what if my birthday wasn't what I wanted it to be. It's one day. It's just A day. We have the opportunity to make every single day great so why do we put so much pressure on ourselves and those around us on a specific day? Just because that is the day I was born doesn't make it that much more important than any other day. Or at least it shouldn't.

So yeah.

*THWACK* there goes that damned Zen Arrow.


Just my two cents

The other day this comic was posted on RobDenBleyker's facebook page, he is one of the artists who does comics for Cyanide and Happiness (one of the most hilarious and irreverent comics)

I found it hilarious for multiple reasons. The first thing I thought of was the Jim Gaffigan quote “Vitamins…they may be expensive but at least there’s no proof they work. There’s vitamins and then there’s herbal supplements which are not FDA approved and to put that in perspective…the Twinkie is. I don’t even know who herbal supplements are for…it’s like ‘Hey if you’re not wasting enough money on vitamins that don’t work, you should check out this stuff that’s kind of the horoscope of vitamins.’”

One of the other reasons I found it so amusing is because of how up in arms followers of alternative medicine get when anyone questions it or disagrees with them. Or a lot of them just assume that you are attacking their belief system, their ideals or even them. (I know, I know it’s the internets. I forget sometimes)

And boy was I right, I got multiple responses and messages regarding my comment on the comic and even my posting it on my own personal facebook. The REALLY amusing part is how condescending they were to me for posting a joke response on a joke comic strip, assuming that my comment means that I’m anti-alternative medicine when in reality that is totally not true.

Let me break it down for you now. I absolutely believe in the merits of vitamins, supplements and alternative medicine but I also firmly believe in conventional medicine. In my opinion and based on my own reading and research I believe that the two can work together for a cure or for long lasting health. It’s what is called “Complementary medicine” or “Integrative medicine” They work TOGETHER. There are certain things that I think you need modern medical science to help diagnose and cure. There are plenty of diseases and illnesses that can be treated by natural methods but there are others that cannot. This is of course just my opinion, I have my opinion and you have yours.

Do with it what you will. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, even if they don’t agree with yours.