A friend and I had a conversation the other day about making friends and how it can be frustrating, difficult and disheartening it can be. It got me to thinking about my friends now and how I got to have the fantastic friends that I have.
I moved to Denver a little over 13 years ago and when I first moved here I felt so isolated and lonely. Even though I only moved an hour away from where I grew up and where my friends lived, I felt a million miles away. There were also a lot of other things going on in my life at the time that aggravated that lonely feeling but all I knew is that I was sad and lonely.
I started to go out to Ye Olde Goth club aka Club Onyx, every chance I got. I met lots of new people, lots and lots of new people. They all seemed pretty nice and friendly and we would spend hours at the club chatting about everything from food to books to pop culture but as soon as I would try to get someone to hang out or do something outside of club it was like the walls went up and POOF! they'd disappear. Some of them would respond with the "oh yeah that would be fun, why don't you give me your number and I'll call you" and others would just be like "yeah that'd be cool but I'm so busy". It was nigh impossible for me to get these people that were so chatty and friendly at club, to do anything at all with me outside of club and it was depressing. Really fucking depressing.
It got to the point where I seriously considered moving back down to Colorado Springs as I felt like I'd never have any real friends in Denver, never really have people to have dinner with, go shopping with, watch movies with, talk to outside of the bar. I seriously debated the pros and cons of living in Denver vs Colorado Springs and realized that the only thing that was even remotely appealing about the Springs at that point was the fact that I still had friends down there.
So I stuck it out. I kept talking to people, meeting new people who in turn introduced me to yet more new people. For a long time I quit trying to get people to hang out outside of work or club. I made peace with the fact that I didn't have people in Denver to do things with. I let go.
And then it happened as it always does. Gradually I started to find the people who wanted to go do things that didn't involve work or club. I started slowly, very slowly to gather a few people around me. I started to have friends again and with that, came the realization that much like a romantic relationship friendships take work and they don't always work out the way you think or want them to
To be continued...