"I want to be my own design" Clive Barker - Imajica

Monday, April 1, 2013

Depression is a sneaky bastard sometimes.

I didn't *think* I was depressed. I don’t remember feeling particularly bad but when I stop and look the signs are all around me.
I wasn't taking as good of care of myself as normal.
I wasn't cleaning house or if I did start to clean, I didn’t finish
I was putting off doing any number of things because I just didn’t feel like it.
I dreaded going out or having to be social.
I was going to bed really early and sleeping as late as possible.
I wasn't working on my cross stitch.

It’s hard to explain to someone who has never suffered from clinical depression. There doesn't need to be a trigger or a reason, it just happens sometimes. Your brain gives you the middle finger and says “FUCK YOU, YOU WILL HAVE THE SADS FOR NO REASON” I've suffered from severe depression most of my life and most of the time it is totally manageable. Most of the time, I sense a wave coming on and take preventative measures that help stem the tide and make the downswing shorter and not as hard to deal with. This time however it snuck up on me.  This is the thing that really sucks about your brain malfunctioning, you can’t always know when this kind of depression will strike. The great thing is, I know myself and I know what it takes to get me out of this funk. It may take a bit, I may still be out of sorts or not as friendly but I’ll get there.

baby steps...

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