"I want to be my own design" Clive Barker - Imajica

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

3 questions, 1 lesson

Craig Ferguson’s three questions to ask yourself before posting something on the internet:
1. Does this need to be said?
2. Does this need to be said by me?
3. Does this need to be said by me right now?

Also, I am starting to ask myself this before I speak at all. Based on the commentary this weekend it is a lesson I really need to learn.

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Road Trippin'

Growing up I never went on a road trip, my mom had gone on many road trips when she was a kid and as a result she hated road trips as an adult therefore I didn't go on one single road trip growing up. The closest I ever came was going from Colorado Springs to Denver so she could go to yarn stores that were different than the ones we had in the Springs.

As an adult I've gone on a couple of road trips but for the most part they have all been with a specific destination in mind and a specific deadline to get there. No meandering, no going off the main roads to see what might be out there, not really getting a chance to see the sights and enjoy the drive.

Also? I've never seen an ocean.

People always go "OMG HOW HAVE YOU NEVER SEEN AN OCEAN?!!!" and freak out on me about it. I have to remind them of a couple of facts

1. Grew up without a lot of money and didn't have the money to travel
2. Mom didn't like to go places
3. Grew up in Colorado, not a lot of ocean around here
4. Didn't even get a chance to leave the state until I was 17 and that was to go rafting in Utah, with school

So this summer I'm finally going on a road trip. A real road trip. 11 days with my friend who goes on a road trip every year and enjoys driving and seeing whats out there to be seen. We have a destination in mind (California) and an idea of when we want to be there. There are even certain activities and places that we are planning on going to but I'm really looking forward to the drive itself. This will be my first time west of Vegas, my first time seeing an ocean, my first time in California and any number of other firsts that I am sure will happen.

It's not the destination that counts, it's the journey. 

Monday, April 1, 2013

Depression is a sneaky bastard sometimes.

I didn't *think* I was depressed. I don’t remember feeling particularly bad but when I stop and look the signs are all around me.
I wasn't taking as good of care of myself as normal.
I wasn't cleaning house or if I did start to clean, I didn’t finish
I was putting off doing any number of things because I just didn’t feel like it.
I dreaded going out or having to be social.
I was going to bed really early and sleeping as late as possible.
I wasn't working on my cross stitch.

It’s hard to explain to someone who has never suffered from clinical depression. There doesn't need to be a trigger or a reason, it just happens sometimes. Your brain gives you the middle finger and says “FUCK YOU, YOU WILL HAVE THE SADS FOR NO REASON” I've suffered from severe depression most of my life and most of the time it is totally manageable. Most of the time, I sense a wave coming on and take preventative measures that help stem the tide and make the downswing shorter and not as hard to deal with. This time however it snuck up on me.  This is the thing that really sucks about your brain malfunctioning, you can’t always know when this kind of depression will strike. The great thing is, I know myself and I know what it takes to get me out of this funk. It may take a bit, I may still be out of sorts or not as friendly but I’ll get there.

baby steps...