"I want to be my own design" Clive Barker - Imajica

Monday, August 20, 2012

Busy PJ is Busy

Oh lordy have I been busy lately. Like so much so that I sometimes wonder how I have been able to keep my shit together.

Working extra hours at work, not because I have to or because I get paid extra but because I love my job and we have been super busy and I am trying to help keep the fulfillment teams head above water (not succeeding so much, but I'm trying Ringo. I'm trying)

Trying to keep with the FB postings for The German's architectural design company, which by the way features some super cool shit, check it out here  at Facadesign

Desperately attempting to finish Tedious Project ™ and discovering that there are about a gazillion more documents to go.

Social activities galore including trips to the mountains both for Synapse shows and for fun with a friend, visits from out of town or even out of state, club nights, concerts, Cash Mobs, zoo trips, trips  to Colorado Springs to get my super awesome new dress courtesy of Timeless Elegance and Dysfunctional Family Dinner Theaters to attend.

I leave for DragonCon in exactly 10 days and I have no idea how I am going to have the time or energy to get everything ready for it. I have 10, well more like 9 days to somehow get all my work done, do my pretty, pretty princess primping for Con, run errands and make sure that Mr. S and I have everything we need for our trip.

Thank god I have a bazillion roommates to take care of the house and the Heidi-cat.

One thing down, a million to go.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

my least favorite sin


Having major pangs of it lately. Not so much of what people have but their ability to get it. And by it, I mostly mean material goods. I know that material goods are largely meaningless and it's not like I want to go and get a bunch of random expensive shit just to have it. I don't want to buy expensive shit in the hopes that people will finally be impressed by me or like me. I want stuff like good shoes to wear to work and for walking around, a new girdle, a new dress, a new corset, hair color. I want to be able to buy a brand new article of clothing that no one else has ever worn before. I want to be able to go to the grocery store and buy whatever food I want without worrying about it.

It's not the buying of stuff that I am envious of, it's the ability to buy stuff. I work hard, I've been trying really hard to work on my debt and I have been pretty successful over all. I mean shit, this time last year I had a broken down car and I had no idea how in the hell I was going to come up with the money to fix it. And here I am, car fixed and mostly paid for (only 100 more bucks and then that will be completely taken care of!) I was stuck in a dead end job that I loathed where there was no hope of promotions or raises or any kind of challenge or growth and here I am in a job I absolutely love, with coworkers and bosses that I respect and new challenges thrown at me every day. I am in far better shape now than I was then and I fully expect to be even better off this time next year but it's the now that has been bugging me. I am paying my bills, doing what is necessary and yet I feel like it's not enough. Why this nagging concern about not being able to buy things? Why this obsession with wanting to buy stuff? Even if it is stuff I actually need, it is just stuff after all.

I have many people in my life that are doing really well right now and are able to do things like buying new furniture, new cars, new clothing, new tattoos, even new homes and I certainly do not begrudge them these things. After all, most of these people have worked incredibly hard for these things, they have earned them and I am so proud and happy to have so many successful individuals in my life. These same people are incredibly generous and have helped me in so many ways that I don't think I could ever thank them enough. I'd like to think that when I am in a position to do so, I will repay them for their kindnesses, buy them dinner, buy them little gifts, do all the things I'd like to do to show them that they are appreciated. For now I do it in my own ways, cleaning their house, driving them around (when they will let me) and by cooking for them. It just doesn't feel like enough right now.

I want more and I want it now!

Patience little grasshopper, all good things in time. I just need to remind myself of this once in awhile.