"I want to be my own design" Clive Barker - Imajica

Sunday, July 22, 2012

What kind of friend are you?

What kind of friend are you?
Are you actually a friend to the people around you or are you the "user"? Take a long hard look and think about it for minute.

Don't know what I mean by user? They are the friends that give you NOTHING in return, they are the ones who never call/write/text/communicate, they are the ones who who only ever talk about themselves, the ones who never ask how you are or what is going on in your life, they are the ones who continuously cock block you by always trying to steal the attention away from you and put it on themselves. They are the toxic people, the ones who always expect you to be there for them but are never there for you. They don't respect you or your time or your space.

I think we have all had those people in our lives. I spent years being friends with people like that. Thinking they were my real friends, deluding myself. My mom always used to tell me that she knew certain people weren't actually my friends, that they were using me, but of course I didn't want to listen to her. She's just my mom, what the hell would she know? *sigh*

So here I am, in my 30's and I have finally gotten to the point where I can recognize these people and I try to avoid them as much as possible. I have too many other wonderful friends in my life who genuinely give a shit about me and that I give a shit about. I strive to keep my life drama free and worthwhile and those users are far from worth my time. I am blessed by the over abundance of the awesomeness of my friends. And I try to make sure that I am a good friend to them as well.

So I ask again? What kind of friend are you? And are your friends really your friends?

Something to ponder on this thundery afternoon.


  1. I've been trying to teach others this as well. I cut people back to "acquaintance" when they give indicators that they do not respect me, or don't give as well as take. I rarely take it personally, but it is easier for me to be without that person than it is to be used or devalued. I did it for many years, I know. And I find who I need to find by showing that I value myself and my time - they're the same people who wouldn't bother with me if I showed that I valued myself so little.

  2. I recently "broke up" with my closest, oldest friend. It was over something really minor and stupid but I was kind of relieved that it ended the relationship.

    Two years ago my decade-long relationship was coming to an end so he came to town to "console me" which turned in to him using my house like a hotel for a week. He never once asked if I was okay, how I was doing, if I wanted to talk. Any time I tried to wedge the major life trauma I was going through in to the conversation he would blow it off and move on to the next topic. THAT should have been what opened my eyes and ended our friendship but hey, sometimes I'm loyal to a fault.

    I always felt like he was just a misguided dude who needed his bff (me) to take care of him but in reality he was just a leech who burned every bridge I ever saw him cross, someone who never managed to hold any kind of long term gf/bf relationship in the 10+ years I knew him, someone who, even though he's now 37 years of age, never matured past 17. A man child.

    Case in point: the thing that broke us up? Fantasy Football. I was running a league and he invited some girl he has wanted to stick his penis in for at least the last 5 years. His team wasn't going anywhere so he started stacking her team with players. I called him out on it on the league message board and he just. stopped. talking to me. I gave it time, sent him a text, he ignored me. I hit him up on FB (where he LIVES), he ignored me. I never even bothered sending a 'fuck you' type of farewell letter because I didn't feel like it was worth my time. Friendship over. Just like that. The weirdest part for me was being cut off from his mom, who I knew well and loved very much.

    I don't really have friends any more so it pained me a bit to let him go.. but it was seriously over due.