"I want to be my own design" Clive Barker - Imajica

Monday, July 30, 2012

ism's - XXI

The harder you try to piss me off or annoy me, the more I will ignore you.

You have no power here.


Thursday, July 26, 2012

timely fashion

 It is time to stop focusing on how far I have come and it is time to start focusing on where I am going.

It is time to stop talking about how much I've done and it is time to focus on what I still have left to do.

It is time to stop resting on my laurels.

Make shit happen

It is what I do after all.

Sunday, July 22, 2012

What kind of friend are you?

What kind of friend are you?
Are you actually a friend to the people around you or are you the "user"? Take a long hard look and think about it for minute.

Don't know what I mean by user? They are the friends that give you NOTHING in return, they are the ones who never call/write/text/communicate, they are the ones who who only ever talk about themselves, the ones who never ask how you are or what is going on in your life, they are the ones who continuously cock block you by always trying to steal the attention away from you and put it on themselves. They are the toxic people, the ones who always expect you to be there for them but are never there for you. They don't respect you or your time or your space.

I think we have all had those people in our lives. I spent years being friends with people like that. Thinking they were my real friends, deluding myself. My mom always used to tell me that she knew certain people weren't actually my friends, that they were using me, but of course I didn't want to listen to her. She's just my mom, what the hell would she know? *sigh*

So here I am, in my 30's and I have finally gotten to the point where I can recognize these people and I try to avoid them as much as possible. I have too many other wonderful friends in my life who genuinely give a shit about me and that I give a shit about. I strive to keep my life drama free and worthwhile and those users are far from worth my time. I am blessed by the over abundance of the awesomeness of my friends. And I try to make sure that I am a good friend to them as well.

So I ask again? What kind of friend are you? And are your friends really your friends?

Something to ponder on this thundery afternoon.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

I am not the person your advertisement was meant for

I just saw an anti-smoking commercial that basically said that the only reason people smoke is because the ads make cigarettes look glamorous and that you'd look cool and tough people do it and you feel like you are more independent when you smoke. I am confused a bit.

I know why I smoked in the beginning. The ads never once even occurred to me.  It all started as a stress reliever, it gave me something to think about other than what was going on in my life. I knew it was bad for me, I knew it could kill me and I didn't care. I still don't care overmuch about that. I have slowed down quite a bit and now a pack can last me a week and a half whereas before I was at about a pack to a pack and a half a day. I don't say that to justify it, I still know it's a stupid habit. An expensive habit. But it also is a habit I enjoy thank you very much. I enjoy being at the club with a drink in one hand and a cigarette in the other. Something about the motions of smoking, the feeling of the smoke in my lungs, all of it is part of an experience to me.

I have never once watched an commercial or seen an ad that made me think "ooh I want to do that because I will look cool or glamorous or pretty" I know smoking isn't a pretty habit, I also don't care. What I want to know is, who are these people that watch, ok used to watch these commercials or see the print ads (since it's illegal now) and think to themselves "gee all I need to be cool is to smoke?" And if they can't show the TV ads or print magazine ads, why are people still starting to smoke? Does showing ads with people dying of cancer or those Truth commercial really change anyone's minds? Is there a single fucking smoker in the world who is legally old enough to purchase their own cigarettes who DOESN'T know that this can kill you?

Someone please explain this to me because I really don't get it.

Monday, July 16, 2012


best friends forever, in case you weren't sure what that meant. But what does it *really* mean? What makes someone your best friend?

Growing up we had those split heart necklaces where one half was yours and the other half went to your best friend to show the world just how good of friends you were. What it inevitably seemed to do was make your other friends feel alienated and somehow slighted. At least that is what I always saw among my own friends who chose to publicly elevate one friend to be the Alpha among all of their friends. What I really want to talk about is friendship and what it means to me and question what it means to you.

Friendship, true friendship is much like a romantic relationship in my opinion. Mutual likes, dislikes, interests, the ability to appreciate and understand each other's crazy and the willingness to listen to one another kvetch. The willingness and ability to bring up the other person even when you are feeling down, the willingness to sit and listen and know that there are times when you can't do a damn thing to make them feel better. Knowing that you can call on them for help when needed. All of these things and more define true friendship to me. So many other aspects are undefinable, subjective things that perhaps only really matter to me.

There are also as many ways to prove that you are true friend to people. Listening when they talk, genuinely giving a shit about what is going on in their lives, being there for them when they need you or even when they don't. Being respectful of their space and time, making an effort to see them or spend time with them or even just stay in contact with them.

Back to the original topic, what makes someone your "best" friend? What is it that elevates one friend over another? I know that I have a select few friends who I would call if I ever needed help with anything, I have a few friends that I know I can talk to about anything including but not limited to my own dumb girl moments.  People that I trust to tell me when I've done something stupid and who trust me to admit it to them and myself when I've fucked something up. I love these people dearly and recently I have discovered that I am blessed with more of these people than I even realized. I am lucky for sure and I appreciate these people more than they will ever know and I will endeavor not to ever take our relationships for granted. 

I don't know that I would use the term best friend but I am definitely closer to some than others. 

Now my question for you is - what do YOU consider makes someone a best friend or do you use the term best friend?  Does it feel juvenile for you to use that term like it makes me feel or is it something else?

Inquiring minds want to know. 

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

grow up

When you live a life with no consequences I suppose there is no reason to take any responsibility for yourself or your actions. When there is always someone to bail you out, catch your fall, pay your debts, you never learn how to take care of yourself.

Years ago I had some friends whose parents took care of them long into adulthood. Parents paid the bills, parents paid the debt, parents paid for almost everything. They could spend as much as they wanted on their credit cards and they never had to stop and think about how or when it would get paid back.

I started to wonder if these kids of theirs would ever learn how to take care of themselves. Would they ever learn to balance a checkbook? Pay their own bills? Actually work for their own living? I grew apart from them long before we got to the point where they would have to figure it out or end up just finding someone else to take care of them. I am convinced that is what most of these people do. Just latch onto someone else who can and will take care of them with no consequences or real responsibilities.

I occasionally wonder what that is like. To never have to think about how I am going to pay for things, how I going pay bills, how I am going to eat. There are times when I think that must be nice. It must be nice to not ever think about the financial consequences of your actions.

On the other hand I am so glad that I know how to take care of myself, I know how to handle my money and if I fuck it up I know how to take care of myself. On the rare occasion (see blog entries about my colossal fuck up with my car and the esplody engine) I managed to work for most of the money instead of begging or borrowing it. We all need help sometimes, but first you need to learn to take care of yourself. Be your own boss, run your own life, quit depending on others to take care of you or bail you out.

“The final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands.” 
― Anne Frank

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

They say it's your birthday...

my birthday is coming up. Well sorta, since it's not actually until September 14th but it's getting closer and closer with every passing day. And you know what else is getting closer? DragonCon! That my dear friends is my birthday present to myself and I cannot freaking wait. I started to compile a list of all the random accouterment that I need prior to leaving that Thursday before Labor Day and the panic started to set in. Although most of the things I need are small and inexpensive they sure add up and a girls got to eat!

I was discussing this with a friend and they suggested asking the people who would normally give me birthday gifts to make their gifts something I need for my trip. A wish list of sorts. What a fantastic idea! I don't *need* a lot of things and my family is usually pretty awesome about getting me useful gifts that I also may not always buy for myself.

for example -
stockings in black, size Q2
these are my absolute favorite by the way for my other lady friends who have big ol thighs-

a new girdle in black, size 3XL or 36"
the most comfortable thing I've ever owned, so sad when it finally died.

a new pair of walkin' shoes in black size 9
mine disappeared awhile back *sadface*
and yes I know they are Crocs and I am moderately embarrassed by that in and of itself but quite honestly these shoes were a lifesaver when I went to D*con in 2010. The fact that they are comfortable to wear ALL day and that I can just wash them out... someone find me a different brand that works as well and I'd be happy try them too.

summer dresses
Gotta have something to wear around during the day and we all know I won't be wearing pants!
something like these ones
their size 46 - http://www.chicstar.com/storefront/listproducts.aspx?Plus-Size-Archaize-Polka-dot-Dress&id=9226 or http://www.chicstar.com/storefront/listproducts.aspx?Plus-size-Retro-Polka-Dot-Swing-Dress&id=9672 or http://www.chicstar.com/storefront/listproducts.aspx?Plus-Size-Rockabilly-Polka-Dot-Halter-Dress&id=7592

oh and I want this just cause
http://www.chicstar.com/storefront/listproducts.aspx?Plus-Size-Fishtail-Ruffles-Skirt&id=10405 (I forgot how cute their clothes are!)

my mini wish list such as it is...

No matter what though, I will be prepared.

By hook or by crook.

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Why I might end up in jail this Labor Day weekend

So this year Mr. S and I are making the pilgrimage to Hotlanta for Labor Day weekend to attend Dragon*Con. If you've never heard of Dragon*Con, well it's one of the largest multi-media conventions focusing on sci-fi and fantasy. It's sorta like Comic Con but more for the fans than the industry.
And it's WONDERFUL. Lots of costumes, partying, making new friends, partying, swag, partying, neat stuff to buy and look at and did I mention partying? This year should be particularly fun as the our little Dysfunctional Family Dinner Theatre group is going in its entirety and for several of them this is their first time. I am by no means an expert on D*Con as this is only my second time but I'm very excited to get to share this with my friends.

Oh wait, I was supposed to be telling you why I might end up in jail that weekend right? Well among the list of guests this year are:

Sean Maher from Firefly
Jamie Bamber from BSG

James Callis from BSG
Joe Manganiello from True Blood 
James Marsters from Buffy

Ian Somerhalder from Lost and the Vampire Diaries 

John Barrowman from Torchwood

Paul Wesley from Vampire Diaries

and last but most definitely not least
the Captain himself Sir Patrick Stewart

Now accepting donations for bail money, I think I am going to need it.

I'll be in my bunk.

Monday, July 2, 2012


it's been obnoxiously hot the last couple of weeks. As I am sure everyone is aware, thanks to both the real world and the copious amount of posting on the social networks discussing how hot it is. I have air conditioning both at home (where truth be told, I'm actually frequently chilly) and at work so I try not to complain too much about the heat. Not *too* much.

What does bother me, no, what pisses me off is how the heat makes people extra cunty and extra stupid. Everything from the way people are driving to the way people behave at the club has just been off and annoying.

heat is one thing, people being extra cutny is another.

I don't like it, no sir, not one bit.