"I want to be my own design" Clive Barker - Imajica

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Baby steps

I’ve been talking a lot about wanting to get back on track with my eating and my weight but I find that when I start to do something about it I’ve been losing steam really fucking fast. I’d do really well for a couple of days and then just stop.

I started to really think about that this week and I realized that the real reason I lose steam is that I’ve been sort of apathetic about the whole thing.  When I lost all the weight before it was just because I wanted to wear cuter clothing and I wanted to be happier because I was so fucking miserable at the time. And now, it's hard for me to focus on weight loss when I am so happy in pretty much every other aspect of my life. 

Almost all of my friends are working on losing weight, being healthier and we talk about it all the time and instead of motivating me to work harder it kind of made me just give up. They are all kicking ass and working really hard and showing a lot of progress and me, mule that I am, just dug in my heels and said “fuck it”

I needed to find my motivation. My reason  for eating better, for trying to be healthier and thinner. So, what is it? Again it’s all shallow motivation but motivation it is. I want to fit into my clothes better, I want to not have this roll of fat around my gut. I want to be able to fit in my Fairy Gothmother’s clothes more often *laugh* And I don’t always want to be the “fat one” in my group of friends. I’ve always been the fat one, ALWAYS, and frankly I’m over it. Whatever it takes to get my ass in gear and moving, right? Also, with all the band stuff that has been going on, I need to be in better physical shape if I actually want to be helpful and help with loading gear in and out and helping Mr. S and Uncle Shitty with things. I enjoy helping them and I don’t want to hold things up because I cannot physically lift or carry things, or be able to keep up with them. Well to an extent, I don’t know that ANYONE can really keep up with Uncle Shitty once he gets going.

One of the other things I’ve realized is that I have to take everything in baby steps. When I lost all that weight before it took a while to get moving. I had to come up with mini-goals for myself. Baby steps towards changing my habits and ultimately my entire life.

The steps were –

1.       writing down every single thing I ate or drank, down to the last packet of catsup. It’s amazing how writing everything down really helps you realize how many empty calories you put in your body every single day.   I would also track my water intake so I could get an idea of just how much water I was actually drinking.
2.       Once I’d been writing everything down for at least a week consistently I started to actually measure out my portions so I could see exactly how much I was eating and when. I would pre-portion everything out so I always knew exactly how many cups of X or tablespoons of Y that I was consuming. And I’d start incorporating better choices and healthier foods.
3.       Tracking my calories or Points (when I was actively doing Weight Watchers), initially it wasn’t about staying within a certain range, it was just about adding it u p and seeing where I was at. After a week or so I’d start setting myself goals of certain points for the day or calorie totals for the day.
4.       Start increasing my activity, from little things like parking in the very back of the parking lot, always taking the stairs, going for short walks when I can, taking a walk on breaks etc. Just getting more movement than I would normally. I’d also take my measurements every month to see how many inches I’d lost. I still have that sheet somewhere, my waist started at 48” when I began my weight loss journey all those years ago! I’m currently at 36” now…

You can see where this is going. I never once made goals that had to actually had anything to do with my weight. I’ve always felt that when you set goals about losing a certain amount of weight by a certain time, you are dooming yourself. I’ve always done better when I make goals about changing myself, changing my habits. I stick with them a lot better and for a lot longer when I do it that way.

Anyway, I’m working on getting back on track. I’ve restarted step 1 and combined it with buying healthier foods and snacks. I’m going to do this.

Mama wants new clothes after all. 


  1. Really, I can't think of anyone else that rocks my clothes like you do. *mwah*

  2. I have had the same trouble with motivation lately. Recently I have found it by entering various "30-day challenges" with my friends. Not about weight, but certain exercise goals. It's only been a week on one of them, but I actually wake up excited to do it, and it's different than just talking about our various progresses (which I also do). Don't know if that will help you, but if it doesn't, I know you will find *something* that works for you.