"I want to be my own design" Clive Barker - Imajica

Saturday, March 31, 2012


When did innocent until proven guilty


guilty until proven innocent?

the media and the populace at large wantonly ruin peoples lives by convicting them in public long before these people have had their day in court. Some of them are guilty, some are not. The ones who aren't go on to live shit lives because of what had been said about them in the media. Even after being legally exonerated they are seen as guilty by Joe Schmo.

just stop it. Were you there? Do you have ALL the evidence in the case? Did you witness it? No? Then stop the judgements and quit convicting people in your head. What if the tables were turned and it was YOU up there.

How would you like it?

Thursday, March 29, 2012

I just don't get it.

There is something I have never been able to understand no matter how hard I try.

It's hate.

Well specifically, unjustified hate, like hating groups of people because they are different than you. Religion or lack thereof, sexual orientation or skin color... I've never been able to understand it. Like, at all.

I consider myself a fairly intelligent person but I can't fathom hating people that you don't even know. Are there people in the world that I hate? Yes, but only a handful and all of them have earned my loathing through their own special brand of jackassery.

I've thought about this a LOT. I've watched documentaries and read books about the Stonewall riots, about genocides, about pogroms and I just don't get it. People are just... people. We are all different and that is precisely what makes the world an interesting place to live in. Don't force your beliefs on me and I won't force mine on you. Let's talk about our differences, not fight. Let's embrace the fact that we are different from each other and be glad that our little world allows for such incredible variety and beauty. Life is too short to hate for no reason. Hate serves no fucking purpose in my opinion.

I'd ask if you could explain it to me but I don't think it'll ever be possible for me to understand it.

Friday, March 23, 2012


“I pursued whoever-whatever might be loveable, in love with love. Safety I hated–and any course without danger. For within me was a famine.”
“I carried inside me a cut and bleeding soul, and how to get rid of it I just didn’t know. I sought every pleasure–the countryside, sports, fooling around, the peace of a garden, friends and good company, sex, reading. My soul floundered in the void–and came back upon me. For where could my heart flee from my heart? Where could I escape from myself?”

Two of my all time favorite quotes came from the same source. 
St Augustine. 
I found both quotes in the same book,  How The Irish Saved Civilization a very, very long time ago. Both quotes have stuck with me over the years. The lyricism, the sentiment, the sheer emotions expressed have always struck a chord with me. I know that he was taking about his own experiences and how he came to god and all that but for me... for me it was someone else expressing what I've always felt inside. Probably what all of humanity feels on occasion. Pursuing pleasures, mindless entertainments, anything to dull that aching feeling inside. That yearning void. Logically we know that all of these empty pleasures won't fix anything, it won't fulfill any needs, it won't fill the void inside, all it does is distract us from our own emptiness. And sometimes the distractions are what saves us, for the moment at least. Other times the distractions keep us from really examining the problem, getting to the root of the issue and dealing with the shit that is holding us back. 
Dealing with our issues is never fun, it's not glamorous, it's dirty and stressful and it hurts like fucking hell. Figuring out how to make yourself happy without relying on substances, other people and petty distractions. Just learning to be yourself, to be gentle with yourself, to forgive yourself, to just be. I don't really know what I'm trying to get at here. 

I guess my point is, we all have hurts, we all have pain and the ONLY person who can make us feel any better or even attempt to fix us, is ourselves. No one else can do this for you. 
Be your own savior. 

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Just Stop It

Stereotypes exist for a reason. Please, do us all a favor and don't be that girl. Don't be that boy. If you have no clue what I'm talking about, it might already be too late for you.

Just Stop It.

Sunday, March 18, 2012


I haven't felt like writing lately. Or rather I have started writing several things and have quickly lost interest in them. I haven't felt like reading much lately either. Or working on cross stitch. Or doing any of the things that I normally enjoy doing at home.

Strangely enough though, I'm not depressed. I'm actually pretty damned happy. I mean come on, new job that I love already, nice place to live, car that works, food to eat, man to love and who loves me. Everything in my life is pretty fucking awesome and yet there is this sense of apathy when it comes to doing certain activities. Maybe I'm bored with things, maybe I'm just feeling a little worn down. Whatever the case may be, I'm sure I'll be back to my version of normal soon.

Stay tuned.

Sunday, March 4, 2012

ism's XIX

Taking the high road means not rising to the occasion, not attempting to revenge yourself on those who have hurt you, it means letting them dig their own graves and letting their past catch up with them in occasionally surprising ways.