"I want to be my own design" Clive Barker - Imajica

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

ism's - II

Just because you can, doesn't mean you SHOULD. 

Monday, August 29, 2011

ism's - I

You can live without morals, just don't live without standards

Saturday, August 27, 2011

never count your chickens before they hatch

I have a bad habit of talking big about things before they happen. I get excited about upcoming events before I have tickets/rides/money for them.

That's a bad habit. It seems that every single time I talk about something before it happens, the big event doesn't happen.

Does that make sense?

Like when I talked about getting my car fixed back in July and then I didn't actually have enough money. Or when I thought my car might be fixed by my birthday? That probably won't happen either. *le sigh* There are several other things going on that may or may not actually happen but I'm not gonna talk about those things because I haven't posted about them or anything so I can still pretend I haven't planned or hoped that they were going to happen. I can pretend, right?

Shit happens sometimes and things rarely go as planned that is a fact of life but damn it's disappointing nonetheless when you really, really hoped/wanted/planned on something going right for a change and it doesn't.

But I can't let myself get too down about things, it will all eventually work out one way or another. It always does. I just need to stop talking about things BEFORE they happen, that just never seems to work out well and then I end up having to explain why things didn't happen the way I said they were going to and I hate that. So enough of that. No news reporting until it's already happened.

Disappointment is the spice of life. Or something like that.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011


A couple of days ago the Zen Archer posted a blog about adulthood and it prompted me to finally finish an entry that I began months ago about responsibility and adulthood and what these things mean to me.  I've been thinking about it a lot thanks to the actions (or lack thereof) and behaviors that I see everyday and this includes my own behavior. 

My views on responsibility and adulthood, and what they mean to me were formed fairly early. I was raised as an only child from a single parent home. I was also the only child in my entire family until I was 14 years old. The closest person in age to me was 7 years older than me and I didn't really spend much time with him until I was in 5th grade and he was in high school. I was always treated more as an adult than a child growing up. I was also a latchkey kid from the age of about 9 or 10. My mom worked full time and then some, in order to support us and provide me with everything I needed. When my mom was diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia when I was 12 or 13 years old, all of a sudden my role changed to being more of a parent than a kid. I had to do more around the house to help my mom because she wasn't able to be as active as she used to be. I started working right after I turned 16 and began paying rent, buying my own clothes, making sure all my laundry was done and basically taking on the role of an adult. I sometimes think that I didn't have much of a childhood or at the very least I was never as childish as those around me. I'm okay with that now because I realize that all these experiences have made me the person I am today and we all know how awesome I am, so it's not all bad. *laugh*

So yeah, now that I am 32 years old I have very specific ideas of what makes someone a responsible adult, I have a little list...

To me, being an adult means -

doing the things that you have to do or that you agreed to do, even if you don't feel up to doing them. There was a day not so long ago that I didn't get more than about 3 hours of sleep after a crazy night and I had plans to meet some friends to discuss a project they wanted me to work on. I am sure that they would have let me re-schedule for later in the day but frankly it never once occurred to me to even ask. I agreed to be there at a specific time and place and to not do so just because I was tired and hungover wouldn't have been acceptable to me.

taking care of things when you said you would take care of them, not a week later or after being reminded to do it 20 times. I understand that people forget stuff sometimes, god knows I do it all the time but if you say that you will do something that means that you are making an agreement with the other person and you should adhere to it in a timely fashion. I try very hard to do something as soon as possible when I agree to do it. For example if I tell Mr. S that I am going to do laundry on X date. I do the laundry and put it away on X date or at the latest, the day after. Shit happens to everyone and sometimes you don't always get it done right away but I just think that you should do your best to take care of things when you say you will. If you cannot or will not do it when you say you will, either don't agree to it or be upfront with whomever you made the agreement with so they aren't disappointed when you don't do it. By not acknowledging things, all you are going to do is build resentment.

The next three are just general things that I think way too many people forget about and quite honestly I wonder if all these babies who are having babies have any idea about how to teach their spawn that these are all essential qualities. 

treating other people with courtesy and respect - simple really. 

being punctual or at the very least communicating with people when you are going to be late - 

respecting other peoples time and energy and space - remember if someone invites you to their home, it's just common sense to clean up after yourself. Don't leave a huge mess for them to clean up later. 

Basically what I'm saying here is that being responsible and behaving like an adult sucks a lot of the time. Doing what you said you'd do even when you don't want to do it. Having to cancel plans because you either don't have the funds or because your funds need to go elsewhere. Not travelling anywhere because you don't have the money. Just saying no because you know that if you say yes and do X there will be long lasting consequences. Realizing that there are consequences to all your actions. Treating others with respect and courtesy even if you don't like them or are grumpy. It's not easy. It can be incredibly difficult to be nice or even civil to people you don't like. God knows that I suck really bad about that, but I've been trying. Because I am not a child anymore and I no longer want to behave like a child. Do I still get angry and petulant and pouty? Absolutely. But I've been trying to limit the field of damage when it comes to that and I'm doing the best I can. Again, part of being an adult is actually trying to do your best instead of saying you will do your best. 

I dunno, I feel like I rambled and babbled a lot even by my standards and I can't quite tell if I managed to get my point across without sounding like some harsh, grumpy old whiner. So I will ask you, what does being an adult mean to you?

Monday, August 22, 2011

Long overdue update on the car situation, for those who are wondering.

So the last update was on 07/08/11 and let me tell you things went downhill for a while after that post.

I had managed to pull together the money that we had estimated would be enough based on some research Uncle Shitty had done on places that have affordable replacement engines. I knew how much the car tow and the hoist were going to cost and I factored all that into the total I was striving for. Well, in the time it took me to come up with that money, all the places he had seen those great prices at didn't have anything for those great prices anymore. Everything was at least $300 more than I had managed to raise/scrounge/borrow.


Back to the drawing board. After I was done crying that is. I was so incredibly discouraged, I cried off and on for 2 days wondering how on earth I was ever going to manage to come with more money. I couldn't scrape anything else out of my bills, I didn't know what to do. There was about a week period when I honestly felt like just giving the fuck up. I mean seriously, what the hell was I going to do?

And again, my friends and family came to the rescue. They offered me more work to do and in one case hired me for 6 months worth of housecleaning and paid me in advance so that I could have the money in my savings account for the purchase of a new engine. My Aunt loaned me some money and my mom even managed to scrounge up some more money to loan me. Some very, very dear friends of mine have loaned me a vehicle that I can use to get to jobs and whatnot. I don't think I can ever express how truly grateful I am for that. Without the ability to get around on my own I'd have totally lost it by now. And having to constantly ask someone to use their car makes me feel just as shitty. My co-worker drives me to and from work every day so at least I have the temporary transportation situation taken care of.

Every time I have received an offer of work I have accepted (even when all I really want to do is stay home and mope or be hungover or whatever the case may be) so that I can get my car fixed as soon as possible. So between working my ass off, trying desperately to save everything that doesn't absolutely have to go to bills or food and the love and support of my family and friends I now have what I hope will be enough in the bank to get this taken care of. I am still accepting offers for work though. I will have loans to pay off even if what is in the bank is enough to take care of the situation. And I HATE borrowing money. I just didn't know what else to do. I am hoping it will be enough.

Hopefully I will have some good news this week.

I really, really miss my car.

Friday, August 19, 2011

I do not think that word means what you think it means...

Several times over the last couple of months I have seen the following words thrown all over ye old interwebz and I am beginning to suspect that the people who are using these words don't really understand what they mean. So here is a handy dandy explanation guide



Show Spelled[yoo-ni-tee]
noun, plural -ties.
1.the state of being one; oneness.
2.a whole or totality as combining all its parts into one.
3.the state or fact of being united or combined into one, as of the parts of a whole; unification.
4.absence of diversity; unvaried or uniform character.
5.oneness of mind, feeling, etc., as among a number of persons; concord, harmony, or agreement.
–verb (used with object)
1.to bear or hold up (a load, mass, structure, part, etc.); serve as a foundation for.
2.to sustain or withstand (weight, pressure, strain, etc.) without giving way; serve as a prop for.
3.to undergo or endure, especially with patience or submission; tolerate.
4.to sustain (a person, the mind, spirits, courage, etc.) under trial or affliction: They supported him throughouthis ordeal.
5.to maintain (a person, family, establishment, institution, etc.) by supplying with things necessary to existence; provide for: to support a family.


1.the state of being a friend;  association as friends: to value a person's friendship.
2.a friendly relation or intimacy.
3.friendly feeling or disposition.
further clarification for those who are still confused


1.a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
2.a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter: friends of the Boston Symphony.
3.a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile: Who goes there? Friend or foe?
4.a member of the same nation, party, etc.
5.(initial capital letter) a member of the Religious Society of Friends; a Quaker.

 and the word I know they don't know at all


[hip-uh-krit] Show IPA
1.a person who pretends to have virtues, moral or religious beliefs, principles, etc., that he or she does notactually possess, especially a person whose actions belie stated beliefs.
2.a person who feigns some desirable or publicly approved attitude, especially one whose private life,opinions, or statements belie his or her public statements.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Don't own 'em if you can't take care of 'em

I love having a pet. Mostly. It's a pain in the ass sometimes. It's also the closest to having a kid that I ever want to get. You are responsible for that creatures food, water, life.

The beast says "do my bidding monkey! and get me some noms"

And I am a firm believer in, if you can't or won't take care of them, then you should not have them. Animals and kids alike. If you travel a lot then perhaps having a pet isn't the best choice for you. Especially if its an animal that requires a lot of attention, like a dog. Dogs need a lot of maintenance and they are not a good idea if you travel a lot and are unable to take them with you. All they know is that you keep leaving them. And of course then you have to find someone to take care of your animal and... well you get the point.

If you cannot take care of their habitat then perhaps you shouldn't have them. Like rodents in cages. I had a friend when I was a kid who didn't properly take care of her guinea pigs and holy hell her room smelled bad. I also have several friends with fish and damn those take a lot of work. No thank you. Way too lazy to have to constantly refill a tank and clean it and do all that maintenance.

I'm lazy. Big time. But I still make sure I clean my beast's litter box everyday when I get up in the morning and every night when I get home from work. If for no other reason than I don't want my room to stink like cat. I make sure she has food and water at least twice a day. I brush her. I pet her. I pay attention to her. My cat lives in my bedroom, she doesn't have free reign of the house due to Mr. S's allergies so it is very important that I keep our living space clean because otherwise *ICK*. True I may not always be the best at it but I do my best. Even at my laziest my cat is taken care of if nothing else. I cannot understand people who neglect their animals. Why do you have them if you won't take care of them properly?


Wednesday, August 17, 2011

No way back to recall the way, 'cause I threw out all the why's

Love is such a strange emotion. I've been ruminating over the nature of love and the shape it takes in our lives.

It's strange, when you have that moment where you look at this person (usually while they are totally oblivious to you) and you feel THAT feeling. Anyone who has ever truly been  in love knows what I am talking about. The feeling you get when you see them smile, laugh or when they are sleeping. Whatever it is that makes you stop and feel that rush of emotions, the bundle of love, protectiveness, tenderness and occasionally irritation and bemusement. Okay, lets be fair here. In a real, grown up, loving relationship, irritation, annoyance, tenderness and love all go hand in hand. The "storybook" love doesn't exist. What *does* exist isn't pretty and clean like it is in fiction. Nothing ever is that pretty. I think that artists tend to go to the extremes when talking about love, they either make it shiny and perfect or painful and dirty and we all know in real life, real love is usually combination of all these things.

There is no easy way to describe what it feels like to be in love or to love someone. People who are far more talented and eloquent than me have been trying since the creation or art so I won't even try.

But I tell you what, as much as this shit drives me nuts? I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Green and Black with hints of Violet


Untitled by mssparrow featuring a wing ring
L Wren Scott pencil skirt
$1,235 - barneys.com

Miss selfridge
£40 - missselfridge.com

ASOS platform shoes
$95 - asos.com

EV wing ring
$250 - maxandchloe.com

Leather glove
£76 - black.co.uk

Backseam Keyhole Pantyhose | PLASTICLAND
$16 - shopplasticland.com

Hot Pink and Black, with ruffles and corsets!


Rick Owens Lilies long skirt
£183 - net-a-porter.com

Balmain high heels
€858 - luisaviaroma.com

Beaded clutch
$32 - amazon.com

Wet Seal gemstone ring
$6.50 - wetseal.com

Avalaya black choker necklace
£9.65 - avalaya.com

Debut black glove
£10 - debenhams.com

Tasha flower hair accessory
$28 - nordstrom.com

Lip Stick
$22 - urbandecay.com

Teal and Pink


£40 - debenhams.com

A line skirt
£30 - lkbennett.com

Falke sheer stocking
$69 - shopbop.com

Alexander McQueen coin bag
£95 - harrods.com

Nicole Romano post earrings
$288 - maxandchloe.com

Nails Inc Nail Color
$19 - asos.com

Yup, Polyvore is my new favorite addiction. I finally get to pretend like I am a fashion stylist!