I can even own up to the reason I was fat. I am lazy (still am and probably always will be) and I ate too much. Not only too much but I ate really shit foods. Fast food for 2 to 3 meals a day and I ALWAYS got the largest size order I could get. All I did in my spare time was sit on the couch and watch TV. I rarely even went to the club or socialized with a lot of people (I know that's hard to believe right?) It took a very long time for me to realize just how big I had gotten.
|in 2004 outside of my mom's house|
Now, I've never been thin but looking back I know now that I wasn't fat either. As a kid and a teenager I got made fun of A LOT for being fat. Mostly because I was one of the first girls to get boobs, and they were always big. Seriously. I woke up one morning with a C Cup and went "what the fuck? These weren't here last night" and I was 11 years old. I grew up thinking I was fat. And yes I was heavy but I certainly wasn't fat. Not like some kids I see around me these days. You know the ones I am talking about. Anyway the point is when I graduated high school I was a size 16 and I thought I was huge. My mother made my prom dress because everything in the store in a size 16 made me look like the mother of the bride and at 17, who the fuck wants to look like the mother of the bride? And now, when I look at this picture of myself from my high school graduation in 1996 I think, damn I really wasn't fat at all. Despite what everyone told me. .
|Lesson One - NEVER listen to what other people tell you about your body size|
It really wasn't until I saw photos from my 10 year high school reunion that it finally occurred to me just how much weight had crept on over the years. It took me seeing this photo to realize that I needed to stop and rethink my relationship with food and myself.
My second time joining (at 275 lbs) was in April of 2007 and it was when I really decided to make an effort and get my shit together. I started setting very specific goals for myself. None of which had to do with losing weight. My first goal was to go to a Weight Watchers meeting every week. Once I accomplished that I would move on to the next goal like keeping track of my food intake and so on. Once I actually started applying myself and making goals and sticking to them it was amazing how fast the weight started to come off. I kept going to meetings every single week even when I didn't want to, I started being very aware of everything I ate, I started packaging up foods in single serving portion sizes so I could just grab a pack and head to work. I started reading the labels on every single item before I would buy it and actually decide not to buy something if it was too high in fat or preservatives.
The real reason I am blogging about this right now is that in the last couple of weeks I have felt some weight start to creep back on. Not a lot mind you but enough to remind me that I will not go back down that path. Mr. S has been after me to exercise which, yes I definitely need to do but I also need to get my eating habits back under control.
I've let myself slip a lot when it comes to fast food, always coming up with a good reason to eat there rather than spend some extra time at home preparing something to bring in. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with going out once in awhile. There are certain foods that I can never cook at home as good as they can cook at the restaurant. Chicken Tikka Masala for example, that will always be a reason to go to Star of India. Because you know, I need a reason to eat Indian food...
mmm Indian food *drool*
Wait, where was I? Oh Yeah
The point is I need to get back on track. Now.
SO with that said, I am going to start by going to the store tonight and buying healthy foods for me to eat. I am going to work on getting Mr. S to start eating healthier even if that means that I have to compromise by doing exercise which I LOATHE. (By the way? All that weight I lost was without ANY exercise at all. So I suppose I'd finally get to my goal size if I ever exercised). He has been after me for awhile to start exercising to prolong my damned life because apparently some people would like to be around for a while and stupid, fucking exercise is apparently good for that. Stupid exercise. I really, really hate exercise.
I am posting this as a matter of accountability. I want everyone to see where I was and where I am and to know that I will never allow myself to slip like that again.
Rockin' to and fro
Back in the saddle again
I go my way
Back in the saddle again