"I want to be my own design" Clive Barker - Imajica

Saturday, April 30, 2011

Recharging the Social Instigator Batteries.

For the last several weeks Mr. S and I have been going out on weekends, having a great time and being our normal social butterfly selves. I did however realize that I needed a bit of a break from the club and partying. Mostly because the next two weeks are going to be chock full of socializing and partying and fun and shenanigans what with the Onyx reunion night and the Brigadoon birthday party. Last night we took it easy. Like way easy. Dinner and shopping with two friends, hanging out at home chatting and drinking wine after DB band practice ended and then hanging out and drinking moar wine with 2 new friends until the sun was up and the birdies were chirping. It was pretty much a perfect, relaxing evening spent getting to know new people and spending some quality time with my love. Tonight we've agreed that we aren't going to club but I am not sure what we are going to end up doing. Perhaps just staying in and drinking moar wine and watching movies. Who knows. What I do know is that I really needed this.

Gotta be in top shape for shenanigans that will most assuredly be happening the next two weeks!

Update - although I say now at 5:00 Pm that we aren't going to the club tonight I also know that last night was fantastic and exactly what I needed so there is always a chance we will end up going out. Which I am totally okay with, as long as I am up in time for my 10 am date with Miss Mara and coffee and pastries. NOM NOM

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Oh yeah, about that.

I meant to post a poem a day for National Poetry month but I sorta gave up after day 13, not because there were no other good poems out there because god knows there are a ton but because my interest in it gave out. I remember now why I've never been a huge poetry person. While I love the language and the form and the look it's a short term love affair for me. I love it intensely for a bit and then I move on. I eventually come back to it but for right now I'm sorta over it. SO yeah. That happened.

poking the bear

It always surprises me a little bit how reactionary people can be on ye ole interwebs, I don’t know why. It shouldn’t surprise me and yet…

You post what you think is a funny picture and some get the joke and others proceed to freak out or think you are a terrible person. Even something fairly innocuous can cause extreme reactions. After the Great Brisket Debacle of 2010 I started to realize just how much people can over react to things that I see no issues with or think nothing of. I posted a photo of a friend enjoying a lovely cut of brisket and people that I had considered friends for a long, long time took serious offense to it and posted some particularly nasty things and even resorted to calling me names for it. On a public forum. It boggles my mind still to this day that people would find something that I thought was totally innocent, THAT offensive. Even my other vegetarian/vegan friends either joked about it or completely ignored it . Because it’s just a photo of someone eating brisket. But that’s the point isn’t it? I think it’s a picture of Disney eating a delicious brisket and someone else equates it to me posting a photo of someone eating an aborted human fetus. Not kidding that’s what they equated it to.

I understand that you have the right to be offended. I understand that you have every right to not like something I post on MY facebook page. I will never argue that point, I will never argue against your right to be offended. What I don't understand is how... UPSET people can get and how they will post things in a public forum expressing it. If someone I know posts something on the interwebs that I find personally offensive I either delete them from my life in a quiet non-name calling way or I just keep it to myself. It all depends on the level of offense of course. Sometimes people just post things that I find… distasteful. And you know what I do then? NOT A GOD DAMNED THING. It’s their webpage, it’s their choice to post those things and if I don’t like it or agree with it I can take it up with them directly via email, phone call or even *gasp* in person but I will never, ever call someone names and spew toxic nastiness on their own page. Because I’m not 12 years old anymore.

Where does poking the bear come in you may ask? Or not I dunno, I can’t read your mind. Anywho, I happen to have a couple of friends *cough cough* the Zen Archer, Miss St. Cynical, The Captain, and A&S are all people who are especially snarky, extremely intelligent and are totally unafraid to point out to people that IT’S JUST A JOKE and to LAY BACK AND THINK OF ENGLAND. Okay maybe not the last one but they do have a tendency to tell people to lighten up and relax a little bit because Facebook is not the REAL WORLD. I understand. What I find funny, isn't always funny to others. I don't ever post anything on MY facebook page with the intent of hurting, upsetting or offending anyone. I would never post photos of an animal or a person being abused in any fashion. I fully support animal rights, which in my opinion you can do even if you are a meat eater. I love that I have friends who care deeply about some very important issues. But come on guys. It’s Facebook. Not Meat Space. It’s okay to laugh. Or to ignore it. Or to delete me altogether. Do what you think is right.

But please, keep calm and carry on.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

do you ever?

Do you ever want to ask someone if they listen to the words that are coming out of their mouth?

Do you want to ask them REALLY? FUCKING REALLY?

Do you ever do a facepalm when certain people say certain things to you?

Do you ever want to tell someone to quit their whining and man up?

Do you ever have to restrain yourself from smacking someone in the face when they say something incredibly stupid?

Do you ever want to remind someone that they aren't the only person in the world?

Yeah, me neither. 


Thank you

Thank you to the friend who lets me into their space even when they don't feel like having company.

Thank you to the friend who gives me exactly what I need when I don't even realize that I need it.

Thank you to the stranger for telling me I looked beautiful at a time when I totally wasn't feeling it.

Thank you to the friend who offers me a refuge and a safe harbor.

Thank you to the friend who has taught me more than they will ever know and given me space to learn my lessons without judgment or unnecessary criticism.

Thank you to the friend who has been willing to give me needed criticism without being unnecessarily cruel.

Thank you to the friend who seems to be on the same wave length as me more often than we really like to admit to.

Thank you to the friend for giving me a place to escape.

Thank you to the friend who always lets me rant about the things that drive me batshit. 

I hope that I can be half as good a friend as you are.

Thank you for being a friend.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

words that are disappearing from the English language

Thank you
You're Welcome

Maybe it is people's growing sense of entitlement that makes them think nothing of demanding something of someone else without the courtesy of a please or a thank you.

Maybe it is the fact that so many babies are having babies and they have no understanding of etiquette or treating their fellow humans with respect.

Maybe people have forgotten just how simple it is to say these words.

Maybe people just don't give a shit anymore.

Whatever the case or cause, I find it unbearably sad that these words are dying out.

It takes so little effort to be courteous.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Game of Thrones was as good as I had hoped.

For anyone who was even remotely interested in this show there were about a bazillion videos available on YouTube to give you a taste of what the show would be like but as we all know even a 15 minute preview can be wholly misleading as to the quality of the finished product. In my humble opinion I thought that tonight's premiere episode of Game of Thrones was gorgeously done, with an incredible attention to detail and surprisingly very, very true not only to the feel of the books but the actual text of the books which is extremely rare in adapted materials. By far my favorite bit of casting is Peter Dinklage as the Imp. I never had any doubts that he could capably play this character and I was very glad that they wrote the dialogue so true to the character in the books. One of the main complaints I have heard from people who haven't read the books is that they couldn't keep up with all the characters and their names and backstories. Anytime a new series starts especially when it is an ensemble cast it can  be tricky to keep track of character names and we almost never know the backstory unless it is explained in the pilot episode so I sincerely think that is a non-issue.

If you have read the books I only have one question. Where was Rickon?
One of the other things I have heard is people complaining about the nudity and sexuality and violence in the show. I have heard them dismiss it as "oh it's a cable show and they need to be edgy blah blah blah" I know that these comments come from people who haven't read the books because honestly? The books are FAR more graphic (both with sex and violence) and gory than I bet the show will be.

My final verdict is that I will gladly head over to Kyle and Sage's house every Sunday evening for about the next 10 weeks or so to watch this series unfold. It won't make everyone happy because that is impossible but I suspect that most of the fans will be pretty happy with the final product.

PS Kit Harringtion who plays Jon Snow really should go shirtless like all the time. I'd be okay with that.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

[love is more thicker than forget]By E. E. Cummings Day 13

[love is more thicker than forget]By E. E. Cummings

love is more thicker than forget
more thinner than recall
more seldom than a wave is wet
more frequent than to fail

it is more mad and moonly
and less it shall unbe
than all the sea which only
is deeper than the sea

love is less always than to win
less never than alive
less bigger than the least begin
less littler than forgive

it is most sane and sunly
and more it cannot die
than all the sky which only
is higher than the sky

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

A Poem and A Song - Annabel Lee by Edgar Allen Poe Day 12

Annabel Lee

It was many and many a year ago,
In a kingdom by the sea,
That a maiden there lived whom you may know
By the name of ANNABEL LEE;
And this maiden she lived with no other thought
Than to love and be loved by me.

I was a child and she was a child,
In this kingdom by the sea;
But we loved with a love that was more than love-
I and my Annabel Lee;
With a love that the winged seraphs of heaven
Coveted her and me.

And this was the reason that, long ago,
In this kingdom by the sea,
A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling
My beautiful Annabel Lee;
So that her highborn kinsman came
And bore her away from me,
To shut her up in a sepulchre
In this kingdom by the sea.

The angels, not half so happy in heaven,
Went envying her and me-
Yes!- that was the reason (as all men know,
In this kingdom by the sea)
That the wind came out of the cloud by night,
Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee.

But our love it was stronger by far than the love
Of those who were older than we-
Of many far wiser than we-
And neither the angels in heaven above,
Nor the demons down under the sea,
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee.

For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And the stars never rise but I feel the bright eyes
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side
Of my darling- my darling- my life and my bride,
In the sepulchre there by the sea,
In her tomb by the sounding sea.
Edgar Allan Poe

Sigh No More - William Shakespeare Day 11

Sigh No More - William Shakespeare

Sigh no more, ladies, sigh no more,
Men were deceivers ever;
One foot in sea, and one on shore,
To one thing constant never.
Then sigh not so,
But let them go,
And be you blith and bonny,
Converting all your sounds of woe
Into Hey nonny, nonny.

Sing no more ditties, sing no mo
Of dumps so dull and heavy;
The fraud of men was ever so,
Since summer first was leavy.
Then sigh not so,
But let them go,
And be you blith and bonny,
Converting all your sounds of woe
Into Hey nonny, nonny.

To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow - Shakespeare - Day 10

To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.

Macbeth Act 5, scene 5, 19–28

Even though this isn't technically a poem I can do what I want cause it's my blog so pfffft 

It is however one of my all time favorite bits from Shakespeare...

Monday, April 11, 2011

Back in the saddle again.

In the not so distant past I was considerably larger than I am now. Like 100 lbs larger. I was a size 24. I regularly referred to myself as fat. It's amazing how offended other people can get when you refer to yourself as fat but that is how I felt and frankly, I was fat. I wasn't some tiny girl calling herself fat for attention and to get people to say "oh you aren't fat" I hate that shit. No I was calling myself fat because I was fat.
I can even own up to the reason I was fat. I am lazy (still am and probably always will be) and I ate too much. Not only too much but I ate really shit foods. Fast food for 2 to 3 meals a day and I ALWAYS got the largest size order I could get. All I did in my spare time was sit on the couch and watch TV. I rarely even went to the club or socialized with a lot of people (I know that's hard to believe right?) It took a very long time for me to realize just how big I had gotten.
in 2004 outside of my mom's house  

Now, I've never been thin but looking back I know now that I wasn't fat either. As a kid and a teenager I got made fun of A LOT for being fat. Mostly because I was one of the first girls to get boobs, and they were always big. Seriously. I woke up one morning with a C Cup and went "what the fuck? These weren't here last night" and I was 11 years old. I grew up thinking I was fat. And yes I was heavy but I certainly wasn't fat. Not like some kids I see around me these days. You know the ones I am talking about. Anyway the point is when I graduated high school I was a size 16 and I thought I was huge. My mother made my prom dress because everything in the store in a size 16 made me look like the mother of the bride and at 17, who the fuck wants to look like the mother of the bride? And now, when I look at this picture of myself from my high school graduation in 1996 I think, damn I really wasn't fat at all. Despite what everyone told me. .
Lesson One - NEVER listen to what other people tell you about your body size

  It really wasn't until I saw photos from my 10 year high school reunion that it finally occurred to me just how much weight had crept on over the years. It took me seeing this photo to realize that I needed to stop and rethink my relationship with food and myself.

Christmas 2006
I decided to join Weight Watchers. The *FIRST* time I signed up for Weight Watchers I was at 290 lbs and it was in December of 2006. I started going to meetings, I tried to follow the program. Ok that isn't entirely true, I told myself that I was trying and I used the "I can't afford this" as an excuse to stop going to meetings or even making an effort to adhere or try the program. I managed to lose about 15 lbs somewhere between my first sign up date and later in 2006 when I decided to try again.

My second time joining (at 275 lbs) was in April of 2007 and it was when I really decided to make an effort and get my shit together. I started setting very specific goals for myself. None of which had to do with losing weight. My first goal was to go to a Weight Watchers meeting every week. Once I accomplished that I would move on to the next goal like keeping track of my food intake and so on. Once I actually started applying myself and making goals and sticking to them it was amazing how fast the weight started to come off. I kept going to meetings every single week even when I didn't want to, I started being very aware of everything I ate, I started packaging up foods in single serving portion sizes so I could just grab a pack and head to work. I started reading the labels on every single item before I would buy it and actually decide not to buy something if it was too high in fat or preservatives.
May 2007 
October 2007
January 2008
Halloween 2008
February 2009
October 2010
March 2011
Okay so now that I've posted my little time line I can really see the changes I've gone through in the last couple of years. I honestly think that I look younger now, at 32 than I did in 2004 at 25.

The real reason I am blogging about this right now is that in the last couple of weeks I have felt some weight start to creep back on. Not a lot mind you but enough to remind me that I will not go back down that path. Mr. S has been after me to exercise which, yes I definitely need to do but I also need to get my eating habits back under control.

I've let myself slip a lot when it comes to fast food, always coming up with a good reason to eat there rather than spend some extra time at home preparing something to bring in. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with going out once in awhile.  There are certain foods that I can never cook at home as good as they can cook at the restaurant. Chicken Tikka Masala for example, that will always be a reason to go to Star of India. Because you know, I need a reason to eat Indian food...

mmm Indian food *drool*

Wait, where was I? Oh Yeah

The point is I need to get back on track. Now.

SO with that said, I am going to start by going to the store tonight and buying healthy foods for me to eat. I am going to work on getting Mr. S to start eating healthier even if that means that I have to compromise by doing exercise which I LOATHE. (By the way? All that weight I lost was without ANY exercise at all. So I suppose I'd finally get to my goal size if I ever exercised). He has been after me for awhile to start exercising to prolong my damned life because apparently some people would like to be around for a while and stupid, fucking exercise is apparently good for that. Stupid exercise. I really, really hate exercise.

I am posting this as a matter of accountability. I want everyone to see where I was and where I am and to know that I will never allow myself to slip like that again.

Rockin' to and fro
Back in the saddle again
I go my way
Back in the saddle again

Saturday, April 9, 2011

The Second Coming - WB Yeats - Day 9

    Turning and turning in the widening gyre  
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;  
Things fall apart;
the centre cannot hold;  
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,  
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere  
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;  
The best lack all conviction, while the worst  
Are full of passionate intensity.

  Surely some revelation is at hand;  
Surely the Second Coming is at hand.  
The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out  
When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi  
Troubles my sight: a waste of desert sand;  
A shape with lion body and the head of a man,  
A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,  
Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it  
Wind shadows of the indignant desert birds.  
The darkness drops again but now I know  
That twenty centuries of stony sleep  
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,  
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,  
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

Friday, April 8, 2011

THE HUMAN ABSTRACT- William Blake Day 8


Pity would be no more
If we did not make somebody poor,
And Mercy no more could be
If all were as happy as we.
And mutual fear brings Peace,
Till the selfish loves increase;
Then Cruelty knits a snare,
And spreads his baits with care.
He sits down with holy fears,
And waters the ground with tears;
Then Humility takes its root
Underneath his foot.
Soon spreads the dismal shade
Of Mystery over his head,
And the caterpillar and fly
Feed on the Mystery.
And it bears the fruit of Deceit,
Ruddy and sweet to eat,
And the raven his nest has made
In its thickest shade.
The gods of the earth and sea
Sought through nature to find this tree,
But their search was all in vain:
There grows one in the human Brain.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Mutability by Percy Bysshe Shelley - Day 7

Mutability by Percy Bysshe Shelley
We are as clouds that veil the midnight moon;
How restlessly they speed, and gleam, and quiver,
Streaking the darkness radiantly! -yet soon
Night closes round, and they are lost for ever:

Or like forgotten lyres, whose dissonant strings
Give various response to each varying blast,
To whose frail frame no second motion brings
One mood or modulation like the last.

We rest. -- A dream has power to poison sleep;
We rise. -- One wandering thought pollutes the day;
We feel, conceive or reason, laugh or weep;
Embrace fond woe, or cast our cares away:

It is the same! -- For, be it joy or sorrow,
The path of its departure still is free:
Man's yesterday may ne'er be like his morrow;
Nought may endure but Mutablilty.

Lovesong by Ted Hughes - Day 6

Lovesong by Ted Hughes
He loved her and she loved him
His kisses sucked out her whole past and future or tried to
He had no other appetite
She bit him she gnawed him she sucked
She wanted him complete inside her
Safe and Sure forever and ever
Their little cries fluttered into the curtains

Her eyes wanted nothing to get away
Her looks nailed down his hands his wrists his elbows
He gripped her hard so that life
Should not drag her from that moment
He wanted all future to cease
He wanted to topple with his arms round her
Or everlasting or whatever there was
Her embrace was an immense press
To print him into her bones
His smiles were the garrets of a fairy place
Where the real world would never come
Her smiles were spider bites
So he would lie still till she felt hungry
His word were occupying armies
Her laughs were an assasin's attempts
His looks were bullets daggers of revenge
Her glances were ghosts in the corner with horrible secrets
His whispers were whips and jackboots
Her kisses were lawyers steadily writing
His caresses were the last hooks of a castaway
Her love-tricks were the grinding of locks
And their deep cries crawled over the floors
Like an animal dragging a great trap
His promises were the surgeon's gag
Her promises took the top off his skull
She would get a brooch made of it
His vows pulled out all her sinews
He showed her how to make a love-knot
At the back of her secret drawer
Their screams stuck in the wall
Their heads fell apart into sleep like the two halves
Of a lopped melon, but love is hard to stop

In their entwined sleep they exchanged arms and legs
In their dreams their brains took each other hostage

In the morning they wore each other's face

Here is my dead horse, now watch me beat it with this stick

And no that is not a euphemism.
This time.
I realize I say this a lot lately
both out of amazement and the need to remind myself

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Solitude by Lord Byron (day 5)

To sit on rocks, to muse o'er flood and fell,
To slowly trace the forest's shady scene,
Where things that own not man's dominion dwell,
And mortal foot hath ne'er or rarely been;
To climb the trackless mountain all unseen,
With the wild flock that never needs a fold;
Alone o'er steeps and foaming falls to lean;
This is not solitude, 'tis but to hold
Converse with Nature's charms, and view her stores unrolled.

But midst the crowd, the hurry, the shock of men,
To hear, to see, to feel and to possess,
And roam alone, the world's tired denizen,
With none who bless us, none whom we can bless;
Minions of splendour shrinking from distress!
None that, with kindred consciousness endued,
If we were not, would seem to smile the less
Of all the flattered, followed, sought and sued;
This is to be alone; this, this is solitude!

make me a sammich!

Monday, April 4, 2011

I like griping (III)

So last Thursday evening I decided to take a quick shower before heading to the latest Stitch and Bitch gathering. In what would be one of my most epic falls ever I totally slipped and fell getting into the shower. Thankfully I didn't hit my head (although it might improve my attitude) and I didn't break anything. I did however manage to bruise the shit out of the top of my right foot, my right shin, my right knee and a spot on the inside of my left arm. The bruise on my foot has started to turn a lovely shade of purplish black. I tried to take pictures of it but they don't do it any justice. Right now my entire right foot is cramping terribly and the ibuprofen doesn't really seem to do a damned thing to make it hurt less. I am gonna whine about it a lot to see if that makes it feel any better.

*whine whine whine*

oh and when I started thinking about writing this entry this song got stuck in my head and has been on repeat. Which you know, actually makes me feel a little better cause this song is awesome.

Bonus (courtesy of Tor.com)

Sonnet: Against Entropy
The worm drives helically through the wood
And does not know the dust left in the bore
Once made the table integral and good;
And suddenly the crystal hits the floor.
Electrons find their paths in subtle ways,
A massless eddy in a trail of smoke;
The names of lovers, light of other days
Perhaps you will not miss them. That's the joke.
The universe winds down. That's how it's made.
But memory is everything to lose;
Although some of the colors have to fade,
Do not believe you'll get the chance to choose.
Regret, by definition, comes too late;
Say what you mean. Bear witness. Iterate.

A Broken Appointment by Thomas Hardy (day 4)

A Broken Appointment by Thomas Hardy
You did not come,
And marching Time drew on, and wore me numb.
Yet less for loss of your dear presence there
Than that I thus found lacking in your make
That high compassion which can overbear
Reluctance for pure loving kindness' sake
Grieved I, when, as the hope-hour stroked its sum,
You did not come.

You love me not,
And love alone can lend you loyalty;
--I know and knew it. But, unto the store
Of human deeds divine in all but name,
Was it not worth a little hour or more
To add yet this: Once you, a woman, came
To soothe a time-torn man; even though it be
You love me not.

The Stolen Child by William Butler Yeats (day 3)

The Stolen Child by William Butler Yeats
Where dips the rocky highland
Of Sleuth Wood in the lake,
There lies a leafy island
Where flapping herons wake
The drowsy water-rats;
There we've hid our faery vats,
Full of berries
And of reddest stolen cherries.
Come away, O human child!
To the waters and the wild
With a faery, hand in hand,
For the world's more full of weeping than you
can understand.

Where the wave of moonlight glosses
The dim grey sands with light,
Far off by furthest Rosses
We foot it all the night,
Weaving olden dances,
Mingling hands and mingling glances
Till the moon has taken flight;
To and fro we leap
And chase the frothy bubbles,
While the world is full of troubles
And is anxious in its sleep.
Come away, O human child!
To the waters and the wild
With a faery, hand in hand,
For the world's more full of weeping than you
can understand.

Where the wandering water gushes
From the hills above Glen-Car,.
In pools among the rushes
That scarce could bathe a star,
We seek for slumbering trout
And whispering in their ears
Give them unquiet dreams;
Leaning softly out
From ferns that drop their tears
Over the young streams.
Come away, O human child!
To to waters and the wild
With a faery, hand in hand,
For to world's more full of weeping than you
can understand.

Away with us he's going,
The solemn-eyed:
He'll hear no more the lowing
Of the calves on the warm hillside
Or the kettle on the hob
Sing peace into his breast,
Or see the brown mice bob
Round and round the oatmeal-chest.
For be comes, the human child,
To the waters and the wild
With a faery, hand in hand,
from a world more full of weeping than you.

If You Forget Me by Pablo Neruda (day 2)

If You Forget Me by Pablo Neruda
I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Funeral Blues by W.H. Auden (day 1)

Funeral Blues

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He is Dead.
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

W.H. Auden

Friday, April 1, 2011

The Wanting

I have a bad case of The Wanting right now
No, I am not talking about sex
For once
I am talking about Wanting a new dress, a new piece of clothing, a new pair of shoes
The material, shiny, shallow Wanting.
I Want
It doesn't make me feel any better to have people remind me that I can't have a new dress
because I can't afford it
because I'm broke.
I realize to some they think they are being funny by teasing me about my lack of funds to spend on stuff
I also know that they don't mean it to be malicious in any way
But actually it is pretty hurtful
I know I am broke
I know I can't afford it
It's okay, I'll get over it.
I always do.

You can't always get what you Want

addendum -  The Zen Archer pointed out the reason that this is bugging me so much.
Of course she did, it is what she does after all.
Here is the run down -
The old me would have bought the dress and damn the consequences.
The newer me, stops and realizes that I need to pay bills instead of buying the dress.
I have however decided that I will save up a little money every week and I will get the dress I want by the Brigadoon Birthday.
I can has goals.

This is the dress I want by the way...