"I want to be my own design" Clive Barker - Imajica

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Prompt: Defining moment. Describe a defining moment or series of events that
has affected your life this year. (12/29)


So this one is particularly topical today. In my head at least. Because to me there was no one defining moment this year but it was a series of moments that showed me how far I have come and how far I still need to go.

I'm talking about being hit with those Zen Arrows, Zen Sticks, hammer blows and general slaps to the face. Well the figurative ones not actual slaps to the face. I mean sometimes maybe a real slap... oh never mind I'm getting off track.

Anyway.

This year I have really been making an effort to take those arrows and hammer blows to heart and actually listen when people (usually gently but sometimes not so much) point out that I am being an asshole or that I am exhibiting unsavory behavior patterns or whatever it is that is getting pointed out.  Mostly because I don't want to be an asshole. I don't want to be the person no one wants to spend time around because they are annoying, rude, short tempered or smelly or whatever. I'm totally not smelly but you know what I mean.

It hurts pretty much every time to have someone point out these things but I try to accept them, take the words to heart and adjust my behavior accordingly. To learn from them and to move and and attempt to make myself a better person or at least a person I like better. It's hard work and sometimes I trip up. The real trick is to stick to it and not hate myself for making mistakes. Everyone makes them. Just own up to them and move on.

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