"I want to be my own design" Clive Barker - Imajica

Friday, January 7, 2011

I'm an only child... this comes as no surprise to anyone does it?

Prompt: Core story. What central story is at the core of you, and how do you 
share it with the world? (Bonus: Consider your reflections from this month.
Look through them to discover a thread you may not have noticed
until today.) 12/31 
I've really been struggling with the last of the Reverb10 entries. I have a 
very hard time thinking that there is just one story at the core of me. I
had to step back and look at it in a different way and really, critically
think about the prompt before I could write about it. 
I am an only child from a single parent home. I was the only child in my
entire family until I was 14. The closest person in age to me is my
cousin Chris who is 7 years older than me and who I didn't really get to
know until I was in 4th grade and he was in high school. My mother 
worked full time in order to provide for us. I only saw my dad on Sundays
and even then it wasn't an every week occurrence. I spent a lot of time
on my own as a kid. I was a latchkey kid from about 5th grade on. 
 I also went to five different elementary schools, including one school
that I went to and from almost every year. 
Kindergarten, 1st & 2nd - Jackson Elementary
3rd - Lincoln Elementary
4th - Keller Elementary and back to Jackson
5th - Jackson and Grant Elementary
6th - back to Jackson and Washington Elementary
Did I mention that I never lived in one house for more than a year until I was 
in my early 20's? So there is that too.  
All of these things combined have definitely had a HUGE impact on me
and my behavior and my emotions and the way that I process things. 
You don't really tend to think about these things and how they affect
you unless you decide to start on a course of self awareness and 
Let me tell you, self awareness really sucks sometimes. 
But I suppose stereotypes are stereotypes for a reason. 
A couple of the "only child" traits that I have really, really tried to work
on are being overly sensitive, neediness and longing to be included. Or
my desire to fill every silence with some sort of noise, usually me talking.  

It will be a lifelong process to work on these and all the other issues and
baggage that I carry. The fact is that I am aware of my issues, I own up
to them and my mistakes and I want to work on them. I don't always 
enjoy doing to work but the pay off is totally worth it.


No comments:

Post a Comment