"I want to be my own design" Clive Barker - Imajica

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

happy, happy, joy, joy

Prompt: Ordinary joy. Our most profound joy is often experienced during ordinary moments. What was one of your most joyful, ordinary moments this year? (12/27)

There have been so many wonderful moments that there is no way I can narrow it down to one. How about a top 10? 

1. a stroke of the cheek
2. holding your hand
3. birthday brunches
4. cooking and eating dinner with all the roomies
5. petting my kitty cat
6. eating yummy Jane cake
7. decorating for the holidays together
8. hugging my family
9. sitting on your couch, drinking wine and talking about Fran Lebowitz
10. getting a new AT-AT

Relgious Experience

Prompt: Soul food. What did you eat this year that you will never forget? What went into your mouth and touched your soul? (12/26)

This is an easy one. Jane's Religious Experience Cake. Hands down best thing ever in the world.

I've been lucky enough to have it several times this year and OHMYGOD. It is so good. There aren't enough adjectives in my vocabulary to describe just how much I love this cake.

check this out
http://www.drinkingmadeeasy.com/2010/10/the-devils-in-the-details.html


dammit now I want cake

Monday, December 27, 2010

Pictures of You

Prompt: Photo - a present to yourself. Sift through all the photos of you from the past year. Choose one that best captures you; either who you are or who you strive to be. Find the shot of you that is worth a thousand words. Share the image, who shot it, where, and what it reveals about you. (12/25)

 courtesy of StudioApocalypse , have I told you lately how much I love Adam and his work?

I love this photo. I think it pretty much sums up me and sums up a lot about this past year. Uncle Shitty, Mr. S (smiling!) and my friend Jason with me in the midst of either talking or laughing or both. This was taken by the always awesome Adam Phillips of Studio Apocalypse at Tracks Nightclub for Deathwish night. We were there celebrating my 32nd birthday. Many of my very good friends were there.  I really, really, really didn't want to go out for my birthday. We had just gotten back from DragonCon a few days prior to this and I was still tired and worn out from it. Mr. S refused to take no for an answer so we all piled into the Hippie Gingers car and went out. I had a fantastic time. Talking to friends, seeing people I usually only get to see once a month. It seems hard to believe that I didn't want to celebrate my birthday, that I didn't want to go out especially considering just how much fun I had after all. And that's the trick, sometimes you just have do something that you may be hesitant about and in the end? It can totally pay off.

The kids are alright

Prompt: Everything's okay. What was the best moment that could serve as proof that everything is going to be alright? And how will you incorporate that discovery into the year ahead? (12/24)

I am prone to freak out moments. Something will happen and I freak the fuck out and get all stressed and worried and overly dramatic. It's kind of a family trait. 

In the last year or so I have managed things a lot better so I have only had about 3 or 4 of my epic freakouts about something and even the freakouts I've had I've mostly been able to keep to myself. Mostly. 

When I don't manage to keep it to myself and calm myself down Mr. S is usually really good at telling me to shut up and breathe and calm the fuck down.

Yeah pretty much just like that
(Artwork by Sinister)
 Anyway, there are still time when I have to take it upon myself to remind myself that things really are OKAY. I have a home that I love, I have a car, I have a job, I have amazing friends and family. I am lucky. And I"m doing okay. 
 
I just sometimes need reminding...

A rose by any other name

Prompt: New name. Let's meet again, for the first time. If you could introduce yourself to strangers by another name for just one day, what would it be and why? (12/23)

Hrm...

Honestly I don't think I'd want any other name than what I have.

I love my name. It suits me.

I used to hate the fact that my first name was Patricia. I thought it was an old lady name. Then I hated the fact that I have two middle names.

But I've always loved my last name. In my 32 years I have never met someone that has the same last name as I do. Well that isn't related to me that is.

And?
I've tried to escape being called PJ occasionally, only to always have everyone end up calling me PJ anyway.  It's my destiny. And I am okay with that. 

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

the road is life

Prompt: Travel. How did you travel in 2010? How and/or where would you like to travel in the next year? (12/22)

Seems like the prompt should read how and WHERE did you travel in 2010. *shrug*

I got to go on three trips this year which for me is a record. I've never traveled much. I can still count the number of places outside of Colorado I've gone on one hand. Vegas, Disney World, Salt Lake City, Atlanta, Kentucky. I am 32 years old and I have never seen an ocean before. I didn't even get onto an airplane until I was 19 years old. Anyway the point is what I did get to do this year, not what I haven't done.

First trip of the year was to Salt Lake for the Dark Arts Festival with Mr. S and Uncle Shitty and Co. Despite a long drive out there with people who spent more time looking at the rocks than the road (ahem B&C) and an even longer trip home what with loading up all the gear and and stopping to gas up the Suburban and getting Aggro Ginger his damned "road meat" it was a fantastic trip. Getting a chance to talk to Uncle Shitty the entire way home, getting to see the wonderful Rob and Cass again, meeting Sable and Jimmy and Ashley and all the other wonderful people in SLC. I can't wait until next year!

 Mr. S and the Aggro Ginger on stage performing
 Sable aka the Man of Many Looks, Mr.S and I


Then Mr. S was in Vegas for work and a lot of our other friends were in Vegas for DefCon and I was at home pouting because I wanted to be able to go and hang out with everyone in Vegas for the weekend. I got woken up at 4 AM by a call from Mr.S asking, no telling me to cancel my plans for the weekend and get on a plane to meet him out in Vegas. I was giddy. So excited to be flying, spur of the moment to meet him and the boys and some of our Denver friends in Vegas. My flight out got delayed 2 times so I didn't arrive until around midnight but hey! It's Vegas Baby.Got to party in the penthouse at the Riviera, got to meet up with a lot of our friends from Denver and make all new friends from all over. Spent a day walking the Strip with Mr. S, Uncle Shitty and Co. Got upgraded to first class flying home. Got to have room service and bottle service delivered to Delchi's room at the Riviera courtesy of a wonderful gentleman that we met earlier that evening. Did I mention FIRST CLASS?

 Mr. S and I at the Flamingo where we stayed
UNCLE SHITTY!
And then there was DragonCon in Atlanta and seriously? If' you've never gone, GO. I don't have the words to describe how much fun it is. And I'm not going to try again. But I will post a couple more pictures.
 Arthur! I tried to get him to yell his battle cry of "Not in the face!" but he was too sober still
 Mike Donovan aka The Beastmaster aka Marc Singer
 GO TEAM DENVER!

Doc Hammer (so unbelievably pretty and actually really nice to talk to) with the Capt. making some eye contact



Next years travel schedule will probably consist of Salt Lake for Dark Arts or whatever they decide to call it this year and DragonCon again. So no oceans for me again this year but 2012 holds the promise of EUROPE with Mr. S. It's in the works.

“The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page.” – St. Augustine
I'm working on it dammit. 

talking to myself, future and past

Prompt: Future self. Imagine yourself five years from now. What advice would you give your current self for the year ahead? (Bonus: write a note to yourself 10 years ago. What would you tell yourself?)

 PJ 2011 -
You've gotten better about it but seriously, JUST STOP IT. You know what I am talking about.
PJ 2016

Pj of the year 2000 -
A couple words of advice for you.

Never doubt your decision to move to Denver, it will become your home and you will absolutely love it.

I'd tell you not to contact Blaine, to just live with those rose colored memories of him and the feelings you have for him but I know you won't listen to me. Just keep in mind when he leaves you that Saturday morning, it sets your feet on the path to real love and friendship with people who can and gladly will tell you when something is wrong as opposed to just walking out and leaving the country with no explanation. Don't hope for any kind of explanation either. You won't get it.

You are going to lose Grandma, Grandpa and Dad, 3 very important people in your life, in a pretty short time span. It will be hard, it will be painful but you will make it through. Remember how much they loved you and how much you love them. Don't let __________ hurt you so much at Grandpa's funeral. It isn't worth it. Don't let _______ guilt you at your dad's funeral. It isn't worth it.  Remember they handle things a lot differently than you do and although they do occasionally take things out on you, they love you very much they just really, really suck at showing it sometimes.

The pain of Taylor's death really starts to ease as you move through life in a new city. You will still miss him but it isn't nearly as painful to think of him anymore. And you can start to listen to Isolation by Joy Division without seeing his suicide letter in you mind. Letting go of him is the best possible thing you can do. Always remember him and your relationship but let him go.

There is more I could tell you but knowing you, you won't listen because god knows we only ever learn things the hard way. Trust yourself and your choices and don't trust everyone just because they act like your friend and you will be just fine.
 

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

who's afraid of Virginia Woolf?

Prompt: Beyond avoidance. What should you have done this year but didn't because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred from doing. (Bonus: Will you do it?) (12/20)


It all comes back to fear doesn't it? I have talked and talked and talked about finding a new job. Something that I get satisfaction out of. Something I enjoy. Or even just something that pays better or has better benefits or that is just busier and that gives me more to do in a day. But I get scared to look, scared of rejection, scared of not finding anything that I feel I am qualified for.


It used to be that I wasn't really afraid of looking for jobs, of taking a risk. Then in 2009 my company shut down for a couple of months and I was unemployed. I submitted about 120 resumes, I applied with 4 different temp agencies and I got nothing. No calls for interviews, no temp jobs, nothing. It shattered my self esteem, my confidence in myself and my abilities. I spent 4 days in my pajamas, not showering, not talking to anyone that I didn't absolutely have to talk to. When my office reopened and they asked me to come back, of course I jumped at it. I had nothing else going on. At least now I had a job again. And I genuinely like the owner of this company and if he thought we were going to make it, well I wanted to give it a shot. I'll have been with this company for 4 years in February which is actually a record for me. I normally make it 3 years before I get ancy and look for something else. The point is, ever since that time in my life I have been terrified of looking for a new job. Terrified of rejection, of not getting anything at all. Of realizing that I am a dime a dozen. Feeling worthless.

I am going to start looking in earnest, I am going to realize that just because I don't get something right away, just because I may not get a phone call immediately it doesn't mean that I am worthless or that there is nothing else out there for me. I know for a fact that I am an excellent worker and that I do have skills. I can find something, all I have to do is let go of my own fear and laziness and do it.

Healing...

Prompt: Healing. What healed you this year? Was it sudden or a drip by drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011 (12/19)

What healed me... hm well I think the best answer to this is I did. I healed me. I let go of a lot of my baggage and burdens. I realized that some of the hurts that I had been holding onto for so long weren't necessary. That they were holding me back and making it harder for me to move on and be a whole person.

That's not to say that I don't still have some old hurts lingering. Some just never go away. Some damage is permanent. They occasionally resurface and remind you of what you have been through. It's good to remember past hurts and damage as long as you don't let it rule you or damage what you currently have in your life. That's the lesson for 2011. Move beyond old pains and slights and hurts and realize that although they helped make me who I am now they don't define me.




Heather Nova - Heal
Fall for me, my southern cross, my star
Shine for me when love has gone too far
I've got you belly deep in me

Just a little breath on the water is all we need
Just a little strength in our hearts
Enough to heal
Enough to heal

Dig me out, can't leave this love for dead
Hand to mouth we're picking up the thread
I've got you belly deep in me

Just a little breath on the water now is all we need
Just a little strength in our hearts
Enough to heal
Enough to heal

And the sea glistens
And the waves pull us in
There's something rising up and up

Just a little breath on the water now
Just a little strength in our hearts,
Enough to heal
Enough to heal.

Monday, December 20, 2010

There is no try, only do

Prompt: Try. What do you want to try next year?/ Is there something you wanted to try in 2010? What happened when you did/didn't go for it? (12/18)

I've tried a lot of new things this year. I used to be the girl who was afraid to try anything new for fear of looking stupid or  failing at it. I've been able to overcome a lot of that largely by being friends with people who believe in "Baptism by fire" so to speak. I've been thrown into circumstances that normally I would talk myself out of purely because I'd be afraid of something, anything. My life is richer and fuller as a consequence of letting go of a lot of my fear. I still have anxiety and fear in certain aspects of my life and I am definitely working on letting these go too.

Fear is the mind killer

Indeed Mr. Herbert.

Lesson Learned

Prompt: Lesson learned. What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward? (12/17)

Actions speak louder than words but your words define you.
Always be honest with those you care about the most even when it's painful.
When someone thwacks you with zen arrows or sticks, listen to them and take it to heart.They only want you to live up to your potential. 
And?
It's not all about me.


The only way to apply of of these lessons is to live it, every day and in everything I do. 

Thank you for being a friend

Prompt: Friendship. How has a friendship changed your perspective on the world this year? Was this change gradual, or a sudden burst? (12/16)


To be honest I had never really thought about self awareness, about what I really wanted to be on the inside, of my own personal growth. Of learning about myself and trying to grow emotionally. I was always scared of the inherent pain in getting to know myself better. But then I turned 30 and I decided that I couldn't continue being that person anymore. How was I ever going to be happy, a consistent, fulfilled happy without knowing who I am and what I want out of life?

I started on this path of self discovery back in 2009 and it just happened to be the same year that I met this person. We didn't really start getting to know each other until the end of 2009/beginning of 2010. She had been through a lot of what I was going through and I constantly turned to her for help and advice. Almost to the demise of our friendship. I sometimes tried to get her to tell me what to do when I didn't want to admit that the hard thing to do was also the right thing. I would talk to her endlessly about me and what was going on in my life to the point where sometimes I realized that I was being the worst possible friend because I wasn't giving her time to share with me what was going on with her. Having just "dumped" a friend for being one-sided, selfish and ultimately a bad friend for almost that exact issue I realized what an asshole I was being. There was even a point where I thought things had gone too far and that we wouldn't be able to be friends anymore. I relied too much on her advice and her being there for me and took too much from her. She asked me to take a couple of steps back and it was one of the hardest things I had ever done. But I did it. And it made me stop and think about things. About all of the relationships in my life, about my relying too much on someone else to help me make my decisions and wanting to avoid any and all confrontation. About avoiding talking to the people I needed to talk to and talking to a proxy instead.

We took a break from each other and when we came back it was like the balance had finally been found. I got up to courage to talk to the right people about things that had been bothering me or to let go of things that I had turned into issues for whatever reason. I know the boundaries now, I know what needs to be done. She helped teach me to face my own issues, own up to them, take responsibility for them and deal with consequences as a result. Our friendship is now stronger than ever and I am grateful everyday that we were able to move past the issues to reach a true, adult friendship where we can still giggle like kids.

So thank you. You know who you are.

Misty, water colored memories

Prompt: 5 minutes. Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010. (12/15)

2010 has been good to me so it would be a damn shame to forget anything. Setting the timer

Mr. S's birthday

Ms. Jane's birthday

"Go Team Denver!"

New Years at the warehouse, finally being called something other than a band hooker by Die Brucke *laugh*

Halloween and embarrassing myself by being THAT girl. 

Salt Lake City with Uncle Shitty, Mr S, Aggro Ginger and all the wonderful people I met along the way

Writing again

Thwacks with Zen Sticks and Arrows, painful yes but definitely not something to forget

Pre-Holiday party with good friends, good booze and good conversations

several moments I won't mention but hold close to my heart and my memory.

The silly, giddy feeling I got when I would go to pick up Mr. S from the airport after not seeing him for a couple of days

Meeting Doc Hammer and Marc Singer.

Getting to spend time with MelissaMaudite and getting to know her better.

Dinner parties.

Watching a friend get exactly what she needed when she wasn't even aware that she needed it.

Naked Goth Soup.

Queso.

Religious Experience Cake.

BEST.PARTY.EVAR.

Hot girls doing push ups for our amusement.
 
Putting up Christmas decorations with Mr. S, Aggro Ginger, Hippie Ginger and Doppleganger roomie.

Biscuits and bacon for the fabulous O's birthday.

Crazier than Batman hot sauce.

That moment when I realized that I am truly happy.

2, 4, 6, 8 What do I appreciate?

Prompt: Appreciate. What's the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? How do you express gratitude for it? (12/14)


Family.

Not just the ones that are blood related to me. Although they are all pretty awesome too.

I am talking about the family that I have surrounded myself with. Mr. S, Ms. Jane, The Zen Archer, The Maestro, my roomies and oh so many more. I am truly blessed with the sheer amount of wonderful people in my life. So many of these people have become like true family to me, we drive each other crazy, we take care of each other, we sometimes argue or disagree with each other but ultimately I love them all very much. They have all been there for me and I hope that I have returned the favor.

Far too often people take others for granted, they think that these people will be in their lives forever when that simply isn't true. Lives change, people change, friendships change and sometimes dissolve. The real trick is learning to appreciate what you have when you have it.

Friday, December 17, 2010

In Memory of Jo Carole Evarts

My grandmother, Jo Carole died a little over 8 years ago in November and every year at Christmas time I think about her. It was her favorite holiday. She had boxes and boxes and boxes of Christmas decorations. She'd go all out with our Christmas Eve dinner including olive and veggie trays. Fresh canonlis from the Italian bakery that she really liked. The big green candles that she would put in the giant brass candle holders on the fireplace. Christmas and my grandma will always go hand and hand in my memory.

She also loved Christmas music, especially this song.




This was definitely her favorite Christmas song. And oh boy does this song conjure memories for me. We heard it every year but beyond that... well let me tell you a little story.

My grandma passed away right around Thanksgiving in 02 and when my grandfather, aunts, uncle and mom piled in the van to ride to the service that song came on the radio. When we again piled in van to go to the graveside service, the song came on a second time.
But here is the really cool part, the day was very cloudy and gray, almost dark, when we stopped at the grave site the clouds parted a little bit and the sun shone down into the cemetery and a random deer was grazing not 20 feet from where my grandmother was being buried. We all stood just outside the van for a second, with the radio still on, still playing her song and I think felt a little bit of solace at that moment. I don't believe in a God or anything like that, but it was one of those moments in your life that just... shit I can't explain how it made me feel. Maybe someone who is better with words could do it but I just can't do it.

The point is, I miss my grandma. The pain of her loss is largely gone, only a tinge of sadness when I listen to this song or something else reminds me of her. I will always be grateful for the fact that I got to spend a lot of time with her growing up and that she was such an important part of my life. I love my Grandma.

PS the song came on a different station as we were driving back to the house for the wake. Yup.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

aspirations vs dreams vs goals, is it just semantics?

_Prompt: Action. When it comes to aspirations, its not 
about ideas. It's about making ideas happen. What's 
your next step?_ (12/13) 
 
 To be honest, I've never been one for aspirations or dreams. This is a part of me that I 
don't really talk about but I've never believed in the power of dreams or the purpose
of having aspirations. Goals are one thing, those are definable and acheivable. 
Dreams always seemed like a waste of time to me. Because I always believed that 
dreams don't come true, despite what Disney tried to tell me.  

I still don't really believe in dreams or aspirations. I believe in plans, in goals. So then
the question arises, if I don't have any aspirations what are my goals? Again I feel like
this is a resolution prompt... BUT I do actually have some goals this year that I will share.
 
1. Figure out what I want from a job/career and figure out how and where to get it. I'm 32
years old here, I need something that satisfies. It's possible. I've seen it happen. 

 
2.Get caught up on my bills. This is relatively easy. It just involves better budgeting and
actually sticking to it. 

3. Go somewhere. Again this is easy, it's likely that I will go to Salt Lake again this summer
for a visit. Maybe to DragonCon again? Maybe some place totally different. I don't know for
sure yet but I will go at least one place outside of CO this year. 

Short story is that I need to take better responsibility for myself and my happiness. Period.
 
 

body and soul or something of the sort

_Prompt: Body integration. This year, when did you feel the 
most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where 
there wasn't mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive 
and present?_ (12/12)
 
This integration actually happened to me several times this 
year. 
 
Several wonderful, amazing times. Times that I will not share 
with you or anyone else. 
Why?
Because those kinds of experiences are SO personal. 
So private. 
 
Even the people who may have been present may not know just 
how much those moments affected me. Then again they may know. 
Ultimately it doesn't matter. 
Because I know. 
I know it can happen. 
And I know it will happen again. 
That is all.  

rid of me


11 Things. What are 11 things your life doesn't need in 2011? How

will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things

change your life? _ (12/11) 


Okay not really but…
 
Dear Reverb10, lets create a prompt giving an arbitrary number of things that 
someone should give up in the next year. Okay so maybe not totally arbitrary, 
11 things for 2011, I get it.
 
But
 
I am not a fan of this prompt. Just saying that in the next year I don’t know 
what life will bring me so how do I know what I need to give up?
 
Plus I don’t do resolutions because no one ever actually keeps those little
bastards. 
 
Hm, okay I will try to play along
 
1.  Insecurities
2.  Cyclic thinking
3.  Avoidance tactics
4.  Fear of confrontation
5.  Irresponsible spending
6.   Passive aggressive behaviors
7.   Getting annoyed at things I have no control over
8.  That grasping feeling I get sometimes 
9.   My desire to make everyone love Christmas decorations as much as I do
10. Hanging on to past hurts
11. Ummm… oh! Biting my nails.
 
Of course most of these aren’t really tangible items so any success on my
part will totally be subjective. But hey it’s worth a shot. Isn’t it?

Word to the Wise

_Prompt: Wisdom. What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how
did it play out?_ (12/10)


Wisdom. Not a word I use very often in reference to myself. 


I suppose the wisest decision I made this year was to focus more on myself and my own personal and emotional growth. To be honest, self awareness kind of sucks. Digging deep inside and trying to open yourself to things you've never considered before can be incredibly painful. Feeling the thud of Zen Sticks and Arrows hitting their mark. Realizing that sometimes you haven't come as far as you thought you had. But wisdom is holding to the path. Fighting through the uncomfortable parts and understanding that all growth is painful. Every day I continue to learn, grow, think more clearly, more wisely even. It's about all I can do at this point. Wisdom is understanding that this pain and uncertainty and everything is what teaches me how to grow, change and be ME.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Party till you puke


_Prompt: Party. What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010?
Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans._ (12/09)

This was another tough one if only because I had some amazing times this year. New Years, Halloween, DragonCon, Salt Lake Dark Arts, My birthday, Mr. S's birthday and various other events, parties, gatherings and celebrations. All of these special events and gatherings have been so much fun. 

One of my top 3 gatherings of 2010 was definitely the Salt Lake Dark Arts Festival. I had such an amazing time there. 

Driving out there with B&C. 
Attempting to help Uncle Shitty with all the amazing sound and lighting that he was responsible for.
Watching Mr. S be the fucking rock star that I always say he is. 
Hanging out at R&C's house. 
Eating all the amazing food that R always seems to provide. 
Meeting new, wonderful and kind people.
Hanging out with some of my closest friends from Denver in new and different place.
Getting to dress up in pretty clothes for 3 days in a row.
Wondering what kind of outfit Sable would pull off next. 
Watching Mr. S walk around in Sable's fez. 
Seeing Voltaire perform, my first time seeing him. 
Finally being able to utilize my incessant need to talk and my frequent inability to sleep by helping keep Uncle Shitty awake on the drive home while the boys slept in the back.

I don't really feel like going into excessive detail about all the events over the course of 3 days because to be honest if you are reading this you've probably already heard it all before or you were there. Suffice to say, it was wonderful and fun and exhausting and I can't wait to do it again.

Monday, December 13, 2010

fuck you ovaries

PMS symptoms

  • mood swings
  • irritability
  • depression
  • anxiety
  • angry outbursts
  • confusion or fuzzy thinking
  • tearfulness
  • fatigue
  • insomnia
  • changes in libido
  • overeating
  • cravings, especially for salty or sweet foods
  • alcohol intolerance
  • acne
  • hives
  • abdominal and pelvic cramps
  • bloating
  • weight gain
  • headaches
  • menstrual migraines
  • breast swelling and pain
  • edema (visible swelling, particularly in the hands, feet and legs)
  • asthma
  • sinus problems
  • sore throat
  • worsening of chronic conditions like arthritis and ulcers
  • difficulty with coordination, being more prone to accidents
  • dizziness, decreased balance
  • heart pounding (palpitation)
  • nausea
  • fainting
  • urinary problems
I suppose that going through menopause sucks too but right now I'm over it. Over the damned weepiness and mood swings and irritability and general obnoxiousness that this monthly hormone parade takes me on. Over this stupid grasping, needy feeling I have. The worst part is knowing that it is just stupid brain chemicals making me feel like this. That there isn't much I can do but ride it out and try not to take it out on those around me. It's not like this every month but when it's bad, it's bad.

Thankfully I only have a couple more days to wait it out.

Until the next time that is.

Our hearts are drunk with a beauty our eyes could never see. ~George W. Russell

_Prompt: Beautifully different. Think about what makes you different and
what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you
different - you'll find they're what make you beautiful._ (12/08)


This prompt was particularly challenging for me. I've been thinking about it for days. I talked to my friends about it.  I even posted about it on facebook.

Finally it came to me after a conversation with a dear friend. When I asked her the question “what is it that makes  me different?” her response without any hesitation at all was “Everything”

I thought about it some more. Like for the last 4 days.

It’s true. As much shit as people talk about how we are all the same and that no one is a unique snowflake that totally isn’t true. No two people are the same. No two people think the same, have the same values and opinions about everything.  Everyone is different. And that is precisely what makes all of us beautiful.