"I want to be my own design" Clive Barker - Imajica

Monday, August 8, 2016

Pinup Girl Clothing review - Jenny Skirts and Peasant Blouses

Not long ago I fell in love with the peasant blouse on Pinup Girl Clothing, thanks to a pretty big variety (about 20 different colors/prints) and at least 5 of them being in colors or prints that I desperately had to have, I decided to take the plunge and buy one even though I rarely do separates. 

I decided to start with the red one in 3XL and I love the fit, the color, the everything about it. I could probably have sized down in the blouse but I like the fit on the 3XL because it gives me a little more room and I don't feel too constricted. Because these blouses have very little give and zip down in the back, it's important to measure yourself carefully but keep in mind that there is more room in the bust area just by the nature of the way the blouses are put together so there is some flexibility in the sizing for the top half.  

Once I fell in love with the blouse it became a mission for me to find a skirt that I liked to wear with it. I struggle with finding skirts that I am comfortable in and that I feel look right on me. Because of the way that I have fat above and below my natural waist line and the way that my back curves down, skirts have a habit of rising up in the back and I for one, don't like the high-low look no matter what, but especially when the back is shorter because of my ass. 

Enter the Jenny Skirt! With about 30 different colors/prints, I was really hopeful that this skirt would work for me. I loved the way it looked on the models (both large and small) but I was nervous about how it would actually fit. Especially since not long ago I purchased the Jenny dress and it just doesn't look quite right on me. 

I started with the black one because I figured that if it worked, it would go with some of the tops I already have and you can't really go wrong with a black skirt. As soon as I received it and tried it on, I knew I was going to have a problem. The problem is that now I want ALL of the Jenny skirts and peasant blouses! I love, love, love this skirt so very much. And it has pockets~ 
Top in a 3XL and skirt in 2XL 

 A week after getting my black skirt, I went ahead and ordered the Mary Blair Lips and Roses print which isn't something I normally go for but something about it was really appealing. I am so glad I got this print as it's super fun and pretty in person.

Top in a 3XL and skirt in 2XL  

I also HAD to have the peasant blouse in my all time favorite colors of pink and fuchsia and of course the Evan Dorkin Cthulhu print!

A couple of notes - I'm wearing this higher than my natural waist as skirts tend to sit better and look better sitting closer to my rib cage than  my belly button. Be sure to follow the size chart and measure your own waist very carefully. I would also recommend checking the size chart for each skirt you are thinking of buying as there can be some variances in size between patterns and colors. I suspect that it's largely because of the fact that all of these products are made in the US. 

I don't get paid for these reviews or get any free or discounted shit which is a bummer but you know, I have like 5 people who actually read my blog so it's not exactly a good business choice for them to give me free shit when there are other gals out there who have thousands of followers reading their reviews. I mostly write these for me and for my 5 readers who might be interested in this kind of thing :) 

And now I am enforcing a strict moratorium on buying any new products as I only have 24 days until DragonCon! 

Friday, July 29, 2016

Because I love shapewear - Rago 9070 Wear Your Own Bra Girdle Review

It's a little sad how excited I get when I order a new girdle but Rago seriously makes the best products ever. I don't know why people waste money buying Spanx. I mean, I suppose they do the job and they are a lot easier to find since they are sold pretty much everywhere ever, but I don't feel like they are as effective as my Rago products and they really aren't any cheaper. Plus Rago is a hell of a lot prettier! Who says shapewear has to be plain and ugly? Not me.

I mean would you rather wear this -
Spanx - Red Hot Label high waisted shorts - around $44.00

Or this?
Rago extra firm high waisted shaper (9607) around $50.00

I've reviewed one of my other Rago items, the 1294 open bottomed girdle but it has been almost 2 years since I've posted any reviews and I'm long overdue.

It can be problematic at best to find ANY shapewear for people of a certain size and while Rago's sizing is a bit different than what you are probably used to (be sure to check the actual Rago size chart when ordering and if in doubt, you may want to order a size up) they do have a variety of sizes and styles to fit almost any body type. For Rago - American Shapewear in particular usually carriers the widest selection of styles and sizes. Some items go all the way to 10XL but again, be sure to check the size charts because the sizing is a lot different for shapewear than it is for clothes.

While my fat is fairly well distributed, I do have pretty thick upper thighs and a bulgy tummy both above and below my natural waist line. I have some back fat but it's usually not too pronounced unless I wear certain corsets or some high waisted girdles that have a tendency to push the fat up and over the top which frankly, is not a look I care to cultivate. Also for those of us with thicker thighs, the "panty" type shapers/girdles can pinch the top of the thighs and cause some pretty significant discomfort.

With that in mind, it can be a little tricky to buy what I call "stretchy shorts" because they either roll up on my thighs or roll down on my back which can cause weird bulges on my back or "bubbles" on my thighs where the shorts roll up or pinch. I decided I wanted to try a body briefer that I could wear my own bra with in the hopes that it would give me some firm shaping and give me a smoother silhouette under my wiggle dresses.

I went directly to the Rago site for ideas and came across item 9070 and decided to give it a shot in a 3XL, and can I just say, I fucking love it.
obviously not me

Made of a nylon/spandex blend it has a nice firm compression and it's is surprisingly comfortable especially for an item that has as much hold as this does. The lace on the legs has that sticky silicone stuff that is supposed to hold the legs in place and in this case it actually works without irritating my stupidly sensitive skin. The straps didn't dig or hurt and it stayed in place even after wearing it for about 8 hours. It really smoothed everything down and didn't give me any awkward lines either on the bottom of the thighs or on the back between the top of the girdle and the bra.

My one and only gripe about it is how hard it is for me to pee while wearing it. It comes with a split crotch that allegedly makes it easier to go to the bathroom but we all know that is mostly bullshit.

But that is really the only negative thing I have to say about this piece of shapewear and I overall think it's a great piece and definitely a good addition to my collection.

Overall, I LOVE this item and will definitely be wearing this fairly regularly. I would give it a solid 8 out of 10 on the PJ scale of awesomeness.

Sunday, November 8, 2015

the zen arrows that hurt the most are the ones you lob at yourself

So as some of you may know Mr. S has been on tour with his band and I've been home living the bachelor life.

In the last month or so, other than Halloween I've not been invited anywhere, not for dinner, happy hour, brunch, nothing. And I also haven't pursued anything either, content to simply come home, eat dinner, clean, read, hang out with the cat, and completely isolate myself from everyone. I haven't tried to make plans with anyone, haven't gone out, and other than some grocery shopping and one trip to the mall, haven't really done anything out of the house.

Halloween was awesome. I had a wonderful time, with great people that I love and want to see more. Several of them who I could have easily reached out to and made plans with. I see my friends posting about going out with each other and think "gee I wish someone had asked me to go along"

(insert sound of a bow string being released)

But why would they when I never ask them to do stuff? Why would anyone invite me to do stuff if it's always one sided or if I have a tendency to say no? Why haven't I asked anyone to hang out the last couple of weeks? Why haven't I made any plans. I have no problem being the social instigator so what gives?

(insert sound of arrow hitting a target)

All of a sudden it came to me. I have a surprisingly strong tendency to hermit when given the opportunity. I have always isolated myself and then bemoaned the fact that no one is paying attention to me or asking me to hang out. I have always put the burden on other people to show interest in hanging out with me, and that makes me a pretty selfish person in a way that I am not entirely comfortable with.

fuck. fuck. fuck.

There are a million excuses that I could give on why I do that but this is what it boils down to.

The ghost of external gratification.


I want people to show an interest in being around me, I want to feel like people want and enjoy having me around and I want them to approach me, not the other way around. And it all springs from my goddamned childhood and how I was treated both by my family and my peers. I can (but won't) point to specific things in my past that helped form this unconscious behavior and now it all becomes painfully clear.

So now that I know the how and why, what do I do about it?

But the other half? I think has to do with realizing what I am doing and WHY and then pushing myself to different behaviors. Breaking free from this pattern of 30+ years and moving forward. I already know that I am awesome and that people enjoy being around me. I wouldn't have any friends if they didn't. You are drawn to people you like and enjoy being around, most people don't spend time with voids,

I shouldn't be continuing to chase that elusive ghost of external gratification anymore, that way only leads to disappointment and heartache. I've already done so much work in letting go of bullshit behaviors and childhood hangups, I guess this is the next step on that path.

Self awareness is bullshit, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Sunday, August 30, 2015

Dear Insomnia

Dear Insomnia -

I know that we have been partners for the last 20 odd years and while you've never been kind, you have been exceptionally cruel for the last 2 weeks. Usually when we go on a jaunt together you give me at least 4 hours of broken sleep, but lately it's only been 2 hours at best. I have been putting off playing my hand in this game of ours, but tonight I'm upping the ante. I try to avoid resorting to such drastic tactics but it's got to be done.

I know that this doesn't mean our relationship is over, I've made peace with our association long ago and at times, I embrace you. This is not one of them. For one night at least, I will be through with you. I will get some sleep if it kills me because if we continue down this path, you will be the death of me. "Pj's little helper" will aide me in my endeavor and with any luck, tomorrow will be a brighter day.

Yours truly,

PS - thank science that over the counter sleeping pills generally work for me.

Tuesday, August 25, 2015


“How passionately she longed to be important to somebody again - not important on platforms, not important as an asset in an organisation, but privately important, just to one other person, quite privately, nobody else to know or notice. It didn't seem much to ask in a world so crowded with people, just to have one of them, only one out of all the millions to oneself. Somebody who needed one, who thought of one, who was eager to come to one - oh, oh how dreadfully one wanted to be precious.” 

"Enchanted April"
Elizabeth von Arnim

Sunday, May 17, 2015

Back in the Saddle. Again. Part Deux

So a long, long time ago on this very blog I posted this entry  where I swore that I was going to get back on track and work on losing some of the weight I'd regained.

That was 4 years and at least 35 lbs ago. Since that date, instead of working on refocusing and regaining control over my eating habits, I've let it go. I've climbed back up to 240 lbs and that, my friends, is simply unacceptable to me.

While I appreciate the "you look great" commentary (no seriously, keep that coming) you have to understand that being at this weight, this waist measurement, makes me very, very unhappy. It makes me very unhappy that there are several gorgeous dresses hanging in my very closet, that I cannot wear right now because I've gained too much weight to wear them.

I don't want to obsess over weight, over what I eat, to have every single conversation be about my weight or what I'm eating (or not eating). What I do want is to get my habits back under a modicum of control. I want to not let my lazy control my eating, I need to remember that it takes the same (or less time) to cook, as it does to go out to eat. What I want, is to wear those dresses! I want to not feel like I am going to die when I go up a couple flights of stairs. I don't want to carry around this extra 40 lbs anymore.

I worked so freaking hard the last time and essentially I've thrown away a large part of that progress over the last 6 years.

No platitudes, no reassurances, that is the situation and I know it for sure. 

So with that said, I rejoined Weight Watchers. It worked for me before, it will work for me again. I am thinking I might also use my food blog, Bitch can Cook, to help me track some of the things I'm eating and cooking so that I don't run out of ideas for meals.

I am doing this for me, and me alone.

Well, me and my Pinup Girl Clothing dresses because they are far too pretty to stay in a closet unworn.

Thursday, April 2, 2015

musing on the college experience (or lack thereof)

Growing up I never thought that college was an option to me, I always thought it was too expensive, that I couldn't get in with my shitty grades and ultimately that I would fail at it, much like I felt that I had failed in so many other ways, not the best attitude to have at 17 but there it is.

Part of me dreamed of college as an escape. A way to get away from my mom, from my home, from Colorado Springs. It's not that I thought that college was the be all, end all, or even the only way to escape but I envied my friends who I felt had more advantages, who had more nurturing and supportive families, and more encouragement to get out and do their own things, to get educated and in the end to get better jobs and better lives.  I had it in my head that I would always be some uneducated yokel, living in a shitty apartment, in a town I hated, working a dead end job because I wasn't capable of improving my lot in life.  (Wow its really depressing when I start to think about how much I loathed myself and my life back then)

I think maybe for most people, college is their first time really being independent. It's their first time taking care of themselves, of having to try and make new friends, live in an unfamiliar place, and dealing with having to be a semi -adult. But for me, we moved every year so it felt like I was always the new kid even though we were always in the same city. I'd been a latch key kid since I was 7, I worked 2 jobs, I started paying rent when I was 16, I moved out when I was 18. I paid for my own car, I lived my own life, I was independent and for the most part I loved it.

I think part of the romance of the idea for  me was the  moving away, out of state, away from the Springs and all the baggage and negativity the place held for me. The chance to start over, where I wouldn't be known as Fatty Patty, where there weren't people who pretended to be my friend just to play jokes on me. A chance to be a different me.

And here is where the joke is on me and what took me years to realize and understand.

It took me awhile but I moved out of the Springs, I got a good job and then I got a better job. I've lived alone, I've lived with roommates, I've lived with partners.  I have a great life and I became so much more than 17 year old me thought I ever would, and I did it all without the college "experience".

Now don't get me wrong, I'd still probably go to college to get a degree especially if I felt that it would benefit me professionally but the college experience as an adult is far different than that fresh out of high school experience.

Did you go to college right out of high school? What do you think you got out of that experience, what did you like about it, not like about it? Why did you end up making the choice to go to college? Or was it something your parents wanted you to do? Do you use your degree?

 Inquiring minds want to know.